Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
September 19, 2006
Crayon Madnesssssss
Category: Fiction? … SC Updates

Just thought I'd post about it over here too -- I posted three new pieces tonight on Scary-Crayon. There's the fourth segment of my batshit insane 2004 NaNoWriMo novel, The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told, Dusty Plastic HELL: Hot Flash #86, and (gasp!) a review of the La Tasca Spanish Tapas Bar & Restaurant in Baltimore, MD. I despise the official culinary critiques found in print media -- to say nothing of the dreadfully dull restaurant reviews (or reviews of anything, really) that litter the blogosphere -- so this one is different. Hopefully it's also interesting and/or insightful and/or thought-provoking. It might even be a little creepy. Which I guess would make sense, considering who wrote it.

Later, then.

-posted by Wes | 3:04 am | Comments (1)
September 14, 2006
wow
Category: Serious

So I got a letter in the mail today from my bank, which, at this time, is unable to approve my request for a credit card. I like that: "Unfortunately, at this time, we are unable to approve your request." As if it's out of their hands and they really would like to, but Hurricane Katrina wrecked their facilities and they're still rebuilding and those gosh-darned red kerchief-wearing bandits with their polished six-shooters keep emptying their vaults and they just don't have any credit to give to people who aren't super rich even though those people have had accounts with their bank since fucking 1999.

Oh, and apparently I'm supposed to be paying quarterly taxes, so I have to send a hefty check to the government tomorrow because I've neglected to pay for the first two quarters. I fucking hate my bank and finances and this country and the fact that I need to build credit to do anything yet can't build credit because my own fucking bank won't even give me a card and my head is throbbing and I feel very, very ill but not so ill that I wouldn't slam my fist down hard on that glowing red button and blow this fucking planet into microscopic smithereens. I'm highly upset right now.

-posted by Wes | 5:02 pm | Comments (6)
September 13, 2006
The Random Lunch Returns!
Category: SC Updates

A Random Lunch #11!

In case anyone missed it, I posted A Random Lunch #11 on Scary-Crayon on Monday. Looks delicious, doesn't it? Like hot vomit on cooling asphalt.

-posted by Wes | 7:26 pm | Comments (6)
September 8, 2006
Stuff from today
Category: Miscellany

A few random bits from my travels and whatnot today:

1. While in the supermarket, I looked down and could've sworn I saw "DECAPITATE!" scrawled on a cereal box. What the box actually said was "CRUNCH-A-TIZE ME, CAP'N!" Which is to say that it was a box of Cap'n Crunch. Still, I think I've uncovered the Cap'n's evil plan.

2. In Dollar General, I happened upon a 7' giant of a man with an intellectual disability who went out of his way to point out to me that the calendars were 2006 calendars but that 2006 is almost over. I shrugged and said, "I guess that's why they're a dollar!" (He was not amused.) The gentleman then insisted that another store had 2007 calendars for roughly the same price before going on to point that these calendars were largely outdated to a member of the store's staff. When the employee said that the 2007 calendars weren't out yet, the man again pointed out that he had seen 2007 calendars in another store. "Well," clarified the obviously irritated employee, "we haven't gotten them yet."

But lo! Shortly thereafter, I found 2007 calendars bearing images of flowers and puppies elsewhere in the store. (One of the reasons I dislike Dollar General is that it's so fucking disorganized and nobody cares; they just put shit wherever they please and call it a shift. Every Dollar General I have ever visited is like this, so I'm guessing the company encourages disorganization. They occasionally have good prices on certain items -- though much less often than the name of the store would have one believe -- but damned if they don't make you work to find what you're looking for.) I considered hunting the giant down to show him, but thought better of it.

3. In Electronics Boutique, a man approached the front counter and asked about when a game would be released, whereupon the sales associate gave him the date and then suggested that he reserve a copy for only five dollars. "You know," he said, "I've never understood that. Why would I reserve a game when I could just come to the store and get it on the day it comes out?" Now, he didn't say this in a joking way as if he actually did understand the rationale behind reserving pre-release titles, nor did he say this as someone who had never heard of the practice until that very moment. No, he sounded as if he had actually given some thought to the subject and yet remained unable to come up with a single good reason to explain the concept of reserving games!

The employee seemed flabbergasted by the question, but after a moment she went on to explain that reserving a title guarantees one a copy of the game, whereas unreserved titles are sold on a first come, first serve basis and could possibly sell out before the customer arrived on the release date. As I left, he continued: "That's ridiculous! How could you sell out?" How indeed, when the glass case behind the counter magically restocks itself!

4. In a news segment today, I witnessed further proof that politicians are terrible. Consider the controversies surrounding William Donald Schaefer. They played the bit with him commenting on her "outdated hairdo" -- as if one's hair has anything to do with one's effectiveness as a Comptroller! To be fair, she called him "Grandpa" first, but still. Childish, childish, childish.

Turd Sandwich or Giant Douche: WHICH WILL YOU CHOOSE?

Seems like there's something else I wanted to mention, but I can't recall exactly what it is! Owell. Later, gators. 😛

-posted by Wes | 7:26 pm | Comments (5)
September 6, 2006
This picture post is kind of depressing.
Category: Miscellany

Ph33r the watchful dragons

These are my dragons! I made the red one first (ah like red, so ah colored it meself ;)) and hypothesized that the attractive glossy photo paper was contributing to the ruin of the illusion (shadows and lighting have a much more pronounced effect on it, making it a lot easier to perceive the depth in the facial cavity), so I went ahead and made another dragon on regular paper to see if that worked better. It didn't, and I've since found that the illusion is facilitated by closing one eye (thereby removing the problem of depth perception), so I'll probably end up making one more glossy dragon (in addition to maybe another creature of my own) to add to the mix. I think I will color it green, yes. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 1:11 pm | Comments (4)