Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
June 14, 2022
Cheryl Blossom is still THE WORST

Just a brief post to remind you that CHERYL BLOSSOM IS THE WORST. On this week's episode, upon receiving the news that Toni Topaz is getting married -- from Toni herself, no less, along with an invitation to her bachelorette party -- Cheryl Blossom succumbed to jealousy and used WITCHCRAFT to "drive a wedge" between Toni and her fiancé Fangs. Why? Because Cheryl and Toni used to be an item. Back in high school. Which, given the 7-year timeskip during S5, was probably at least 8 years ago. And even though Cheryl's with someone else now, she's always felt like she and Toni were destined to be together. So she cast a spell to "drive a wedge" between Toni and Fangs, preventing their marriage and leaving Toni single to someday be hers. And she explicitly ignored the vagueness of "drive a wedge" in terms of outcomes, failing to care at all about the myriad awful ways that that wedge might manifest. She's Cheryl Blossom! She gets what she wants and consequences can't touch her.

Toni and Fangs have a baby.


Oh, no!

Nonono -- don't worry. The baby's fine.


But Baby Anthony was definitely sick for a lil' while.

And why was he ill, you ask?

Because Cheryl Blossom (inadvertently) CURSED A FRICKIN' *BABY*.


Later -- after Cheryl had her current girlfriend break the curse because SHE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LEARN HOW TO NULLIFY THE CURSE SHE PLACED UPON HER EX-GIRLFRIEND FROM *HIGH SCHOOL* who honestly has been pretty nice to Cheryl these days and definitely didn't deserve to be the victim of witchcraft -- Cheryl confided in her current girlfriend to the tune of the highly unflattering rationale I presented in the first paragraph. And Heather was so touched by Cheryl's honesty that she kissed her passionately and then made off with her to do probably oral if the glimpse we got into Cheryl's bedroom is any indication. Shit, she didn't even seem upset -- her only critical words afterward were not "don't use witchcraft to place petty jealous possessive curses" or "harm spells are to be used on demons and other malevolent forces only" but rather "never cast spells when you're in an emotionally volatile state." (Admittedly Kevin was a little peeved, but nobody and ESPECIALLY not Cheryl Blossom gives a shit what Kevin thinks.) So, again, Cheryl Blossom was THE ABSOLUTE WORST and suffered no meaningful consequences and came out on top. Or on bottom, from what I could see. THAT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT.

I'm gonna miss you, Riverdale. <3

-posted by Wes | 11:30 pm | Comments (0)
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