Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
October 31, 2006
Category: Miscellany

Happy Halloween, minna-san! I just posted a more involved Halloween entry over on the Scary-Crayon blog, so you're encouraged to go check that out if you're interested in my Halloween "tradition" and some quick comments about dollar store candies. Poor Bacardi did so much barking with all of the ringing of the doorbell and costumed strangers that I imagine his little throat will be sore for days to come.

Last night, I went to Bennett's Curse, which claims to be the best haunted attraction in the MD/DC area. If that's the case, I needn't worry about attending any others, as this one wasn't super fantastic. Credit where credit is due, though -- there were a few innovative touches. The 3D Hall of Clowns, in which the patrons don 3D glasses and look at a bunch of spooky clown paintings, was pretty cool, to say nothing of a giant animatronic skeleton beast thing by the name of GOLGOTH THE BLUDGEONER (or something like that) that actually gave a several minute-long speech about how he had bludgeoned people to death for centuries and how we had been chosen to spread his legend. I think most of the people in my group missed out on the greatness of Golgoth because they kept moving without even listening, but I stayed for his entire rant and have fulfilled my purpose in life by telling you about him.

See, more stuff like that would've been cool from my position, as there's nothing really scary about costumed people jumping out at you and growling. Hell, I've been through so many of these attractions that I am very good at spotting them in their hiding places, such that they generally don't even bother to try to scare me because they know I can see them. In any case, I can see kids getting scared (and admittedly I like seeing kids in these things, because at least then I can vicariously appreciate the sincerity of their experience), but I really don't get these adults who tremble and shriek and clutch at whomever they're with (or NOT with -- we'll get to that) as they pass through these things. Jumping at a sudden fright is to be expected, but beyond that there's not a whole lot to the scares here. I mean, hello -- YOU'RE A PAYING CUSTOMER. THEY CANNOT KILL, HURT, OR MAIM YOU. IF THEY ATTACK YOU AND YOU SURVIVE, YOU CAN SUE FOR BIG MONEY. The hosts even lay out the ground rules before you enter these attractions: do not touch the monsters (that is, the employees) and they will not touch you. Jeez.

Yet I ended up walking through the Dominion of Darkness -- a pitch black"maze, except it was more like a path with a few turns -- with some lady I do not know repeatedly shrieking and running into my back and clutching at my shoulders. At first I just shrugged her off, but it got so bad that I ultimately moved aside and told her and her group to go in front of me so that I could bring up the rear and thereby pass through the rest of the attraction in relative peace. I imagine my feelings at that point were similar to how Wendy felt when I dissed Van Gogh at the Met.

Combined with the fact that I spent about 100 minutes in line for three attractions that took about a total of 10 minutes, I can't say that the experience was worth the $20 in my case (though I will say that I don't feel like I got ripped off, because the attractions were certainly involved enough to warrant a $15-20 admission fee). I did enjoy the antics of the children in front of me in the line, though, who seemed endlessly amused by the fact that there was a screen featuring R-rated movies (Child's Play and Nightmare on Elm Street) set up for the benefit of people in line. And at one point, the two brothers also looked at their sister and said that they could never have an attraction like this for only girls because there would be so much screaming that it would be completely ruined. The girl's reaction was curious -- she said nothing, but eyed them with this strange look of pain and utter disbelief. And then at another point, one of the boys expressed a belief that girls don't go to Hell, presumably because they are incapable of doing anything bad enough to warrant that punishment. Kids are strange.

And to close, here's a weird comment that my spam filter picked up:

chlamydia Bricklin SV-1 from North America
Bloody hell chlamydia I had never even heard of the Bricklin until I saw it on a movie earlier tonight (thinking it was a DeLorean, haha), but then I checked out this forum, chlamydia always been a fan of '70s exotics, and just reading about the mods you made to that car made me salivate.

What?!?!? If it weren't for the random chlamydia links (and yes, each instance hotlinked to some page, which I assume was all about chlamydia), I'd think that maybe this guy just posted a comment meant for someone else in the wrong window or something... but I dunno. Very, very weird.

Also, Adrian Alexis has some good stuff.

That does it for this entry, then. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Ja ne. 🙂

-posted by Wes | 10:29 pm | Comments (3)
October 30, 2006
A ten minute (or fewer) blog post
Category: Miscellany

I have a tendency to spend way too much time writing these things, so I am limiting myself with this one. (You wouldn't believe it, but typing just this took me a full minute because I revised it that. many. times.) If I have not said what I intend to say within ten minutes, I will stop right there, mid-sentence, what have you -- and perhaps continue the thought another day. Perhaps not. We'll see. Okay, here goes:

On Friday, I took a page from what I believe to be the M. Glitter Playbook and stopped by Taco Bell for the first time since probably the late 90s. I used to go there all the time as a kid -- back when they had cool premiums like Batman and Ghostbusters cups (that was TB, right?) -- and then because it was a cheap place to get some halfway decent grub, but with me buying my own food from the supermarkets now and whatnot I just hadn't gone there. Anyway, I don't think I had a defined reason not to go there before, but I do now. See, the main draw of Taco Bell was never that the food was really good, but that it was really inexpensive. I mean, you could eat like a king (or pig) on just $5, if you got like five tacos or three tacos and something else or whatnot. But now Taco Bell seems way too expensive. I guess it's still cheap if you get beef tacos, but buying them with chicken (or steak) ups the price of each taco almost a whole dollar after tax -- so I ended up paying $3 for a lukewarm Cheesy Gordita Crunch. It wasn't bad, but for just a few more dollars I could make like ten of those things at home. So I'll have to pass on Taco Bell.

I was looking for a replacement pillowcase for my pillow (thanks for inadvertently reminding me to change it, Molly) on my laundry and clothing-filled top bunk and I came across an Ultimate Fighting Championship t-shirt that reads, "As real as it gets." And I thought, That is not true at all! Because "as real as it gets" would be like those underground Mortal Kombat type tournaments where people are actually killed and never seen or heard from again. Shame on you for lying, UFC!

Our time is up. 🙁

-posted by Wes | 12:19 am | Comments (3)
October 22, 2006
dalku tatorusu
Category: Miscellany

it's NINJA time!

And the next time you want to call me childish or immature or or worthless or whatever you want to call me because I like toys and cartoons, you just remember that magazines marketed towards adults are selling because they ostensibly contain images of Tom Cruise's man-boobs. Yep.

-posted by Wes | 12:17 am | Comments (7)
October 19, 2006
Category: Miscellany


The fluff makes him look wider, but he is actually quite thin.

-posted by Wes | 12:43 pm | Comments (5)
October 16, 2006
Money from Nigeria!
Category: Linkage

Either I rarely get these or they usually get sent directly to my spam folder, but I received one of those Nigerian money scam e-mails in my inbox today! The odd thing about this one, though, is that it doesn't ask for my bank account info -- only for an initial reply -- as apparently we'd have to go through a multi-step process that culminates in diplomats delivering the money to my doorstep. I'm almost tempted to reply to see how that would play out! Perhaps they'd use my name and address and any other information they require for identity theft purposes... or perhaps something far more sinister is afoot.

Also interesting is the letter's signature, which reads:

Prof.Charles Soludo
Governor Central Bank Of Nigeria.

Now, being me, I wondered if Professor Charles Soludo actually a real person, so I went to Wikipedia... and behold! There is, in fact, a Professor Soludo, and he is indeed the Governor of the Board of Directors for the Central Bank of Nigeria. I wonder if he knows that people are using his name in spam scam schemes...

Okay, I just Googled Soludo's name and came across, a page that details a whole bunch of scams. Apparently the lengthy process that is supposed to culminate in MONEY AT THE DOOR requires the payee to pay a whole bunch of fees that sometimes exceed thousands of dollars. Sometimes the payees are also convinced to travel to Africa in order to complete the deals, where they are murdered. Horrific!

Speaking of horrific...

Police: Mom Uses Baby As Weapon To Hit Boyfriend

It's like something out of a Bloodlust Software game! I am totally going to make myself a pair of toy babychuks now. IT'S NINJA TIME!!! 😀

-posted by Wes | 5:39 pm | Comments (0)