Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
October 31, 2006
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Category: Miscellany

Happy Halloween, minna-san! I just posted a more involved Halloween entry over on the Scary-Crayon blog, so you're encouraged to go check that out if you're interested in my Halloween "tradition" and some quick comments about dollar store candies. Poor Bacardi did so much barking with all of the ringing of the doorbell and costumed strangers that I imagine his little throat will be sore for days to come.

Last night, I went to Bennett's Curse, which claims to be the best haunted attraction in the MD/DC area. If that's the case, I needn't worry about attending any others, as this one wasn't super fantastic. Credit where credit is due, though -- there were a few innovative touches. The 3D Hall of Clowns, in which the patrons don 3D glasses and look at a bunch of spooky clown paintings, was pretty cool, to say nothing of a giant animatronic skeleton beast thing by the name of GOLGOTH THE BLUDGEONER (or something like that) that actually gave a several minute-long speech about how he had bludgeoned people to death for centuries and how we had been chosen to spread his legend. I think most of the people in my group missed out on the greatness of Golgoth because they kept moving without even listening, but I stayed for his entire rant and have fulfilled my purpose in life by telling you about him.

See, more stuff like that would've been cool from my position, as there's nothing really scary about costumed people jumping out at you and growling. Hell, I've been through so many of these attractions that I am very good at spotting them in their hiding places, such that they generally don't even bother to try to scare me because they know I can see them. In any case, I can see kids getting scared (and admittedly I like seeing kids in these things, because at least then I can vicariously appreciate the sincerity of their experience), but I really don't get these adults who tremble and shriek and clutch at whomever they're with (or NOT with -- we'll get to that) as they pass through these things. Jumping at a sudden fright is to be expected, but beyond that there's not a whole lot to the scares here. I mean, hello -- YOU'RE A PAYING CUSTOMER. THEY CANNOT KILL, HURT, OR MAIM YOU. IF THEY ATTACK YOU AND YOU SURVIVE, YOU CAN SUE FOR BIG MONEY. The hosts even lay out the ground rules before you enter these attractions: do not touch the monsters (that is, the employees) and they will not touch you. Jeez.

Yet I ended up walking through the Dominion of Darkness -- a pitch black"maze, except it was more like a path with a few turns -- with some lady I do not know repeatedly shrieking and running into my back and clutching at my shoulders. At first I just shrugged her off, but it got so bad that I ultimately moved aside and told her and her group to go in front of me so that I could bring up the rear and thereby pass through the rest of the attraction in relative peace. I imagine my feelings at that point were similar to how Wendy felt when I dissed Van Gogh at the Met.

Combined with the fact that I spent about 100 minutes in line for three attractions that took about a total of 10 minutes, I can't say that the experience was worth the $20 in my case (though I will say that I don't feel like I got ripped off, because the attractions were certainly involved enough to warrant a $15-20 admission fee). I did enjoy the antics of the children in front of me in the line, though, who seemed endlessly amused by the fact that there was a screen featuring R-rated movies (Child's Play and Nightmare on Elm Street) set up for the benefit of people in line. And at one point, the two brothers also looked at their sister and said that they could never have an attraction like this for only girls because there would be so much screaming that it would be completely ruined. The girl's reaction was curious -- she said nothing, but eyed them with this strange look of pain and utter disbelief. And then at another point, one of the boys expressed a belief that girls don't go to Hell, presumably because they are incapable of doing anything bad enough to warrant that punishment. Kids are strange.

And to close, here's a weird comment that my spam filter picked up:

chlamydia Bricklin SV-1 from North America
Bloody hell chlamydia I had never even heard of the Bricklin until I saw it on a movie earlier tonight (thinking it was a DeLorean, haha), but then I checked out this forum, chlamydia always been a fan of '70s exotics, and just reading about the mods you made to that car made me salivate.

What?!?!? If it weren't for the random chlamydia links (and yes, each instance hotlinked to some page, which I assume was all about chlamydia), I'd think that maybe this guy just posted a comment meant for someone else in the wrong window or something... but I dunno. Very, very weird.

Also, Adrian Alexis has some good stuff.

That does it for this entry, then. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Ja ne. 🙂

-posted by Wes | 10:29 pm | Comments (3)
3 Comments »
  • agustinaldo says:

    It's close to midnight
    And something evil's lurkin' in the dark
    Under the moonlight
    You see a sight that almost stops your heart
    You try to scream
    But terror takes the sound before you make it
    You start to freeze
    As horror looks you right between the eyes
    You're paralyzed

    You hear the door slam
    And realize there's nowhere left to run
    You feel the cold hand
    And wonder if you'll ever see the sun
    You close your eyes
    And hope that this is just imagination
    Girl, but all the while
    You hear a creature creepin' up behind
    You're outta time

    They're out to get you
    There's demons closing in on every side
    They will possess you
    Unless you change that number on your dial
    Now is the time
    For you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
    All through the night
    I'll save you from the terror on the screen
    I'll make you see

    Darkness falls across the land
    The midnight hour is close at hand
    Creatures crawl in search of blood
    To terrorize y'awl's neighbourhood
    And whosoever shall be found
    Without the soul for getting down
    Must stand and face the hounds of hell
    And rot inside a corpse's shell

    The foulest stench is in the air
    The funk of forty thousand years
    And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
    Are closing in to seal your doom
    And though you fight to stay alive
    Your body starts to shiver
    For no mere mortal can resist
    The evil of the thriller

    'Cause this is thriller
    Thriller night
    And no one's gonna save you
    From the beast about to strike
    You know it's thriller
    Thriller night
    You're fighting for your life
    Inside a killer
    Thriller tonight

    Cause this is thriller
    Thriller night
    There ain't no second chance
    Against the thing with the forty eyes, girl
    (Thriller)
    (Thriller night)
    You're fighting for your life
    Inside a killer
    Thriller tonight

    this is thriller
    Thriller night
    'Cause I can thrill you more
    Than any ghost would ever dare try
    (Thriller)
    (Thriller night)
    So let me hold you tight
    And share a
    (killer, diller, chiller)
    (Thriller here tonight)

    Cause this is thriller
    Thriller night
    Girl, I can thrill you more
    Than any ghost would ever dare try
    (Thriller)
    (Thriller night)
    So let me hold you tight
    And share a
    (killer, thriller)

  • Becky says:

    The kids conversation was hilarious. THey come up with the most interesting observations, and from their point of view, I can see their logic in them. As for the nasty candy, you are so uncool -- why waste your money on something that sucks and you don't even get to see their faces they want to spit it out?

  • Becky says:

    There was supposed to be a wink at the end of my comment;)

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