If you've got a really nasty and corky-tasting bottle of wine, mix it with equal parts fruit juice (I used cherry-flavored) and Mountain Dew for a delicious little drink -- fruity, fizzy, and with a slightly wooden aftertaste, almost as if you're eating the fruit right off the tree and simultaneously swallowing the effervescent vitality of Nature... and a lingering bit of the bough as well. Still good, though!

Oh yeah -- Happy 4th of July, everyone! Even you non-American blokes.

I'd actually been meaning to do this for a while, so I figured while I was still in a coding mood I'd go ahead and add something else to the sidebar -- a link to my online DVD Profiler collection -- which can now be found in the side box beneath the Scary-Crayon plug. Bonus points if you can guess the actress and film from which the image was taken! 😀

This town is literally fucking falling apart. It's pretty sad -- excluding the two (or was it three?) week summer program they paid me to work at my high school one summer, my first real job was at that mall. I still remember when it was nice and I used to spend Saturdays hanging out in the arcade there, before the arcade closed and the other stores (including the KB Toys where I used to work) closed and the mall went to shit. And now the walkway collapses! It's like it knew there was no reason for people to go there anyway.

And check out this cartoon (the June 28 one) -- that's the county in which I live, where the murder rate is higher than that of the nation's capital. The smaller text on the Sunshine Mortuary sign reads, "Inquire inside about our HOMICIDE victim discount."

So maybe I don't even need to worry about killing myself, since living here will probably see me dead sooner or later anyway -- either a building will fall on me or I'll get shot by some fool while walking back from Giant! But seriously, I need to get the fuck out of here.

Dear commuters:

Please take the time to wash your hair before boarding the buses -- preferably with dandruff control shampoo -- as I don't appreciate you sitting in front of me, leaning your heads back as far as you can, and powdering my lap anew with off-white scalp flakes every time the bus lurches into motion after stopping for whatever reason. It's revolting and unsanitary.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Argh! What will I do?
The hunger is upon me!
And I have no chips. 🙁