Am I really almost 24? Amazing. And what have I accomplished? Nothing.

No, really, how does one not get a job one essentially already has? And with the same organization, at that?! I must be the biggest fucking loser on the face of the planet.

Okay, I'm finished now.

So I just found out -- I didn't get the job. Given my luck, I'm not all that surprised. However, it's still pretty disappointing, seeing as how I've basically been doing that job and more since last September, give or take a couple of months! I really feel like a failure right now -- but then, I always feel like a failure, probably because I am one -- and I don't think I'll stop feeling that way until I succeed at killing myself.

...has got to be the worst headline I've ever read in a newspaper. 🙁

Have I stepped into Bizarroworld or something?! First, I'm tiptoeing around a run-down motel in search of giant talking tentacles, one of which desires to take over the world and enslave all humanity. The other's trying to start his own rock band. Then I decided to watch a couple of GTO episodes and am treated to this unexplained ending -- people in a wedding reception start hissing and baring loads of sharp little teeth in their freakishly wide mouths. And then I decide I need to refill my glass of water, so I go down stairs to find my mother asleep and the Drew Carey Show playing on television -- except for some inexplicable reason everyone on the show is a horrible alien and the Drew Carey alien bites the arm off of that really ugly chick's alien counterpart. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!? Next thing you know shui-mai will start mysteriously disappearing one by one...