I almost always take into account the possibility that someone might be put off by what I say, but apparently I'm at my most offensive on those few occasions when I don't anticipate offense as a possible reaction to my words. Strange!

Do I want to cook tonight? I don't know.

Suddenly it occurs to me that, of the dominant factors by which our society gauges the worth of a human being, I am not in possession of a single one.

I see.

Hi. I'm Wes. For those of you who don't know, I've been working a temporary full-time position at the local community college since last September, minus February to mid-April. It's the same position title, but it's actually been two positions in the same office. From Sept. through Jan. I filled in for an employee who was on extended sick leave, and apparently I did alright because when another employee left the office, they asked me to fill her position on a temporary basis until they officially posted it in a permanent capacity again. Yesterday, I took the paperwork for the terms of reposting it over to the personnel office, and several employees have reminded me that it's going up and urged me to apply for the permanent position. I'm considering that.

On the other hand, I really do want to get the hell out of here. I hate this area; I hate where I live. I don't hate the job, per se, but I don't particularly enjoy what I'm doing, and if I were going to have a job like this I'd at least like to be living somewhere that I enjoy, so that at least my days didn't consist of misery compounded with more misery. So that said, I've got several options and I'd like some input if you've got any suggestions.

I could... (more...)

Looking inward and examining certain correlations regarding both my feelings and opinions of people I've known, I've discovered something rather curious: it seems that the amout of mistrust I harbor for a person increases in proportion to the intensity of my affection for that person. This rarely holds for my long-distance/online relationships with people -- as much as I like some of my online acquaintances, the kind of passion of which I speak here is, I think, usually reserved for relationships in which a certain physical proximity (or at least the potential for it) exists (or existed) -- but this relationship between affection and mistrust has held true on several occasions in my past. (more...)

There's a lump in the center of my chest. It throbs slightly and slides up and down; it creeps into the base of my throat and then eases itself out again, as if whatever controls its motion is trying to decide whether it wants to see me vomit my heart out or not. Yes, it could be funny, but does the joke justify the mess? And the audience may not see the humor of it.

My gut feels icky; cold and hollow, but not entirely, as if the walls of it are coated with that slime that fills the gel-packs one freezes and stuffs in lunch boxes to keep orange juice cool. Outside, a squirrel darts across the driveway. No, a rabbit. I've never seen a squirrel that moved so fast or with such purpose with such a linear course. No pauses, no deviations -- a straight jet, almost as if the thing had been skewered and yanked across the concrete on a metal rod. (more...)