Last night, I dreamed that I was sitting at the kitchen table when I noticed these two really huge spiders approaching me. Not normal daddy long legs huge or even tarantula huge -- we're talking swollen grapefruits with eight cigar-thick hairy legs huge. And I wasn't so much freaked out as I was annoyed by their presence, because apparently these enormous spiders had accosted me before.
"Fuck," I said, "it's these things again."
I tried stomping on them, but for some reason I was unable to do so despite them being as big as my feet. When they began to climb the chair, I stood, shook them back onto the floor, and swung a black tarpaulin over them. I then went to the tool drawer, retrieved a hammer, and waited at the edge of the tarp for them to emerge so that I could smash their furry heads in.
After minutes of waiting, I removed the tarpaulin to find that they had vanished. The moment I made this discovery, however, I heard a squeak from behind -- and I whirled to see a large (think Ben-sized), fat white mouse zipping around the house. So quite naturally I began diving after the thing with the hammer, smashing dent after dent into the floor as I repeatedly tried and failed to kill the damned thing. (more...)
