Seriously, why do I bother? I feel so frustrated right now. And I'm sick. 🙁

Tell me something good, hmm?

Okay, apparently I've never paid much attention to these things before -- did everyone else know that these awards are based on sales??? I just watched them present an award for the bestselling male artist in some category, as if that isn't its own reward! Seriously, fuck that -- they should give an award to the artists who didn't sell shit, so then maybe those guys could get a little exposure and recognition too. Fucking popularity contest.

Oh, and who knows more about blood, sweat, and tears than the Osbournes? Probably some starving old musician playing NYC's subway terminals who's devoted his life to his craft and never came close to achieving the fame your husband garnered from biting the heads off of live bats on stage. Fuck you too, Sharon.

(By the way, for those of you experiencing a bit of deja vu, I did just post this mini-rant on Scary-Crayon's blog, so you're not going crazy. Nor am I going crazy, 'cause it was intentional. And if you haven't been over there lately, you might want to check this latest piece -- especially if you're a comics fan!)

Yesterday I finished reading Pilgrim by Timothy Findley. Interesting book -- I'm not sure what else to say about it. I could summarize it, but I believe I've done that previously, and in any case the linked review does that well enough. It is odd and rare, though, that the main character's ultimate triumph -- especially in a book in which psychiatry plays so significant a role -- is not that he is "cured" of his affliction (if we call it an affliction -- there is, naturally, given his institutionalization, the suggestion that perhaps Pilgrim was not truly an immortal), but that his final suicide attempt is, well, final and successful. Make of that what you will.

This evening I finished writing yet another short story that -- save the acquaintances who ask to see it and the editors who reject it -- no one will ever read. It is approximately 2,280 words and is titled "The Lion That Wore Glasses". It is rather strange.

All for now. Ja ne, minna-san.

So since I haven't been working and have decided to buckle down and apply for graduate study, I've been feeling a little more creative. While I'm having trouble ending that short story I started the other night (it's really short; another paragraph will do it) -- as well as another old one I began at work a while back and have just rediscovered (same deal; a paragraph or two more and it'll be complete) -- I've started penning another screenplay (which should be great; it's an idea I've been kicking around for a while, and it's based more/less on a folk tale, so many of the developments are already... developed). Also, to reacquaint myself with the format, I dug up the last unfinished screenplay I wrote -- an assignment I did for a screenwriting course at Yale; we were supposed to submit a half-finished screenplay with the rest of the story outlined as our final "project" -- and reading over it, I'm finding myself thinking that it's actually very good and worth finishing. I've got some great dialogue in here, and some themes are explored that I'd like to incorporate into the new screenplay as well. Fun times. And, as you'll see in a moment, I've also been doing some sketching.

Hopefully I won't get so caught up in this stuff that I completely forget about the grad school applications! I won't, though -- just saying. 😛

So one thing in particular has bugged me about the hurricane coverage -- the fact that the hurricane is named "Katrina". Other hurricane names in recent memory haven't been quite as troubling, but when they talk about the "devastation left in Katrina's wake" all I can picture is a really gorgeous and vicious woman wading through water destroying everything she touches... so I was inspired to sketch the image of Katrina that keeps playing in my head. The problem, though, is that I think she needs to be wearing something... but I can't imagine what the human incarnation of a force of nature would wear. True, togas and hooded robes seem appropriate for her station, but I think an ultra-powerful swamp queen needs something different... if anything at all. Force of nature, al natural. I dunno.

Also, oddly enough, I think I'm more stressed now than I was when I was freaking out about the whole moving thing -- or at least I feel like I am. Even then, at my worst, I'd touch this stress card and it'd read me as being calm, but now that I've got very little to worry about in the immediate sense, it's saying I'm super stressed in that the temperature sensor thing isn't changing at all. I feel very, very cold and I'm shaking a lot. I don't know what that means.

Okay, I'm out -- will post more in a few days. In the meantime, feel free to check out the latest Scary-Crayon article, which was actually "done" out of my NYC hostel room! Ja ne.

I don't know how it happened, but this page ended up among the referrals to this page. That makes me glad.

In other news, I went to the local library and borrowed a bunch of books on Marxist thought. I meant to pick up some specific philosophy titles, but our library doesn't have them. I did get Harry Potter and Philosophy, though.

Oh, did I mention? Instead of embarking on this crazy move and losing myself in a new job, I'm gonna buckle down and study my options and apply to grad school. English or Philosophy? That is the question. If only there were a program that combined the study of both areas! Perhaps there is. I will look into it. Maybe one of my old professors knows something... assuming they remember me at all!

I feel more creative already, though -- I actually wrote a little of a short story tonight! And regarding the Marx -- that's more/less research for a book I've been planning to write for a while and will finally have time to work on. Nonfiction. Ooh baby. Maybe I'll dig up my drawings and finish that illustrated kids' book I started working on a while back, too.

It kinda sucks that I'm not working anymore -- and therefore don't have any more cash coming in -- but it's so refreshing to have a viable plan, projects to work on, and the time to actually see them through! Shit, maybe I'll even clean my room. ('Cause it's even worse now.)

Ja!