Bobbi Jane
by Wes

I once dated a Bobbi Jane who was sexy as hell
I once dated a Bobbi Jane who was ugly as well
Alas, it was the ugly Bobbi Jane whom I did wed
I shout the sexy Bobbi Jane's name when we are in bed.

won't they be impressed
I am a gen-i-us
see how I fashion planks and bricks
into a temporary fix

Today was a very wet day! Not just because of the rain outside, but because the metal clamps on the pipe connected to the sump pump came loose... resulting in much gushing and minor flooding of the basement. Luckily Mom noticed it before too much water spread, and then I made a temporary fix using planks and bricks to keep the pipe in place until more skilled hands arrived to reset the clamps properly. I was really proud of myself for that invention until Mom's friend rectified the problem in all of five minutes -- I'd previously tried to tighten the clamps but been unsuccessful for whatever reason (I failed similarly when the toilets upstairs were leaking; again Mom's friend came to the rescue).

So it seems that I am terrible at simply tightening screws and bolts, but have little difficulty grabbing and combining random items from my surroundings to fashion temporary fixes. I guess if anything ever goes wrong and you don't have any tools -- but do have a kettle and string and knickknacks of that nature -- I'm your man!

Luckily, today's damage was confined to several damp box bottoms and two books with wet pages towards their conclusions.

So I happened to see a television ad for a movie last night. I don't recall the specific movie -- some comedy, obviously. The voiceover enthusiastically described it as being "the funniest movie since The Hangover!"

Immediately this struck me as sounding incredibly stupid. Wasn't The Hangover fairly recent? I was thinking that the movie had come out within the last two or three years, in which case the commercial would essentially have been saying, "This is the funniest movie in two or three years!" Even taking into account the significant number of films released each year, that just doesn't sound terribly impressive.

In reality, The Hangover was released in 2009. In June. "This is the funniest movie in nine months!" Ugh. (more...)