I almost stole some boxes today!

See, I'm almost ready to mail out this year's round of holiday packages (holiday cards probably won't go out for another week and a half), so I ventured out to the post office today in search of boxes. Now, I have boxes here -- lots -- but I've also heard that they have free mailing materials down there. So this year, rather than emptying whatever I already have in the boxes and stripping them of previous labels and scribbling out stamps and business logos and whatnot, I figured I'd make it easy and pick up a few free boxes and mailing envelopes from the post office.

Obviously, I wasn't clear on how the free materials thing works -- or the fact that the post office carries two different types of materials. The priority mail flat rate boxes are indeed free, and can in fact be ordered on the US Postal Service website at no cost (though I imagine there's a shipping charge somewhere). However, there are other materials that cost money... and given the first sentence of this entry, you can probably guess which kind I had in my possession when I left without paying.

Now, here's the weird thing: nobody stopped me. It's not as if the carousel housing these mailing materials was at the back of the post office, such that I could have loaded up on them and slipped out the door without anyone being the wiser. Rather, it's at the front of the post office, in full view of not only both of the employees, but also every single person waiting in line or filling out information at the two convenience counters. Here, I'll even doodle up a silly little diagram:

Given that the scribbles represent people, the red circular thing is the carousel with the mailing materials that cost money, and the blue line represents my entrance and exit path, you can see that there is no way that I could have expected to actually steal the materials without being noticed. Besides, I show up at the post office fairly regularly, so they know me. Granted, we're not on a first name basis or anything, but they recognize me well enough that I wouldn't try to steal anything from the post office even if I were inclined to do so. Yet not a word was spoken as I glided in, excused myself as I brushed past people as I approached the mailing materials, carefully selected the envelope and box sizes that I needed, and once again excused myself as I brushed past people on my way out.

So after I left the post office with the merchandise, I put away the ones I could fit in my backpack -- all except one large box that I continued to carry underneath one arm -- and went elsewhere in the mall. It wasn't until I haphazardly glanced down at the box while in another store that I noticed a dollar sign and some numbers. Yes, the thing had a price on it! I was shocked, but it also seemed like a rather ridiculous price for a simple box, so I figured maybe it was a base shipping rate or something. Still, I was bothered enough to inspect the other materials in my backpack -- and yes, all of them had prices! But $2 for an envelope -- could that be right? Again I thought maybe that price was a shipping rate and that it was meant to be paid when the envelope was mailed. After all, if I'd been expected to pay for the materials upfront, someone would have stopped me. Right?

Nevertheless, I started thinking that maybe I'd grabbed the wrong boxes, though I still had no idea there were different kinds. So I returned to the post office with intent to inquire about it when I looked up and saw a list of prices for the very same materials that I was carrying. The tagline was something along the lines of, When you need materials right away!, which I figured explained the excessive prices. Well, whoops.

Again, I walked to the front of the store -- this time to put the envelopes and boxes back -- and nobody said a word to me. I then located the free boxes off somewhere to the side, got the ones I needed (which incidentally I probably will not use because I wasn't clear on the whole flat rate shipping thing until I got back and read the website), and made a hasty and embarrassed retreat.

So that is the story of how I narrowly avoided stealing mailing materials from the post office. I'm still thinking there must be some reason that nobody said anything -- maybe, given the fact that they're really there for people who need them right away (e.g., people who intend to ship things they buy from the mall on the same day), they figured I was going elsewhere in the mall to box up some merchandise, after which I would return to pay and send off the items in one fell swoop rather than waiting in the lengthy line twice. Or maybe it's just standard protocol to pay for the boxes when you actually ship them. Or maybe they thought I really was attempting to steal the materials but decided not to say anything because it's the holiday season. I don't know.

My life is an adventure.