Today, I have shredded in excess of four thousand pages of social security numbers, with still roughly five hundred or so that must be fed by my hand to that mechanical contraption that shares its name with that of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' arch-nemesis. It is an exceedingly tedious and boring and noisy task, but it keeps me from focusing on this gnawing pain in the pit of my gut.

Usually the hunger pangs don't set in until about 12:50PM, but today they were upon me even before 10:00AM. I think it's because I actually ate three meals yesterday (!), whereas I'm used to only eating once a day in the evening. (Sure, I suffer around midday, but eventually my stomach gives up its futile protest and the pain subsides.) But yesterday there was food! I never eat breakfast before I leave for work, but since yesterday was the last day for one of our employees, the staff put together a farewell continental breakfast for her. I got half a sweet roll and two cups of juice. Yesterday also happened to be the college's annual HOT DOG DAY (!), so while I don't eat beef hot dogs, I did enjoy a lunch consisting of a hot dog bun with ketchup and mustard in addition to some cookies and a soda. And then I went to TGIFriday's for dinner with my mom and my cousin, which also involved eating. Anyway, apparently my body got used to food and now it thinks it's supposed to receive nourishment several times a day. HA! I'm debating breaking open this bag of chips that I saved from HOT DOG DAY, but I don't want my stomach to get the impression that giving into its bellyaching will be a regular thing.

Anyway, here's something amusing (I think so, anyway!) that I did at dinner last night. The food arrived, and suddenly my mother and my cousin bowed their heads and close their eyes. I exclaimed, "What the hell?!" and looked at them with a kind of perplexed disgust.

After a moment, my cousin opened his eyes and said, "I pray before every meal."

"Well!" I said peevishly, "I'm glad you people have things in your lives that warrant giving thanks! Maybe I'll start bowing my head and cussing before every meal." And then I shoved a fry into my mouth and took another sip of my bay breeze.

Fuck it, man, I'm eating these chips.