Yesteday, among a couple of other dvds, I picked up a used copy of Johnny Suede. Given Johnny's wacky hairdo and the description on the back of the box, I was expecting something along the lines of a live-action "Johnny Bravo" cartoon, but it turned out to be a lot less strange -- better in some ways, though not quite far-out wacky enough to work for a full review on Scary-Crayon (which admittedly was my main motivation for picking up the film). But it was an interesting film to watch, since it's a lot like the kind of movie I'd write (and have written part of, in a screenwriting class back at Yale), especially with characters named "Flip Doubt" and "Freak Storm". And whaddya know, Freak Storm was played by none other than Nick Cave (of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds)! Dunno if you're reading, Hannah, but you'd love this movie. 😉

So in keeping with the Johnny Suede "theme," here's a pic from the Wes archives.

Now, on to the questions!

Starting us off, Sam asks:

1. What would you do for a Klondike bar?

That depends! If, like in the commercials, I encountered a guy on the street with a portable freezer chock full o' Klondike bars and really wanted one, I'd pull a buck out of my pocket and offer to buy one from him. If he wouldn't take money and insisted that I debase myself in some ridiculous manner for the television cameras to earn one of those delectable ice creem treats, I'd probably give him the middle finger, walk to the nearest grocery/convenience store, and buy a Klondike bar there. And if there were no grocery/convenience stores within walking distance, and I really wanted a Klondike bar, I'd probably just go without one. Either that or I'd do my zany gothic karaoke routine. 😉

Next, Amanda asks two questions:

1. How many licks does it take you to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Unfortunately, I've got no answers for this one, but believe me when I tell you that this is a question I've dreamed of answering in a SC article. But I'd need more people to join in, so we can average the various numbers of licks to get a better rough estimate... Whenever I move out of here and throw the first official SC party, that's definitely going to be the activity.

And just between you and me, this is also a question that I've dreamed of answering with a girlfriend/wife/significant other -- cosplaying is fun, and there are all kinds of themes that could go hand in hand with licking lollipops repeatedly. You've got the little lost boy and the helpful lady clown, the wheelchair-bound invalid who can only lick things and the buxom young nurse with a sweet tooth, the... Okay, stopping now.

2. How tall are you?

Not very, sadly. Only about 5'4". However...

I used to stand closer to 5'7". 😉 I can't find the original picture (I probably deleted it, since there was someone in the picture with me whose face I kinda didn't want on my hard drive...), but I do have the old buddy icon I used to use, so there ya go. Rockin', eh?

Moving along, Greg of Pop Arena asks:

1. Do you wear your sunglasses at night?

Nope. I really don't even wear them during the day. All of my sunglasses are funny novelty deals, like holographic glasses and those old Spy-Tech glasses with mirrored lenses that let you see behind you, so I only wear them when I want people to notice me and chat me up. Which really isn't all that often.

2. Why do fools fall in live?

Generally I correct and/or ignore typos -- hell, we all make 'em, and usually what we meant to say still comes through clearly enough -- but since I can kinda make a joke out of this one, I'll run with it. So, why do fools fall in live? Because the rules explicitly state that the sacrifices to the volcano deities must be shrieking and struggling when they are received, so to throw corpses into the volcano would not only fail to appease the gods -- it would be cheating. And nobody likes a cheater.

If you meant to ask, "Why do fools fall in love?" -- and I take it you did -- same answer. 😉

By the way, with reference to another question Greg asked -- about the date of the Red Lobster Fun Book -- the copyright year is 1988. Schwiing!

And now, darling Julie asks:

1. Is it possible to forgive?

Certainly. I'm not as sure, however, that it's possible to "forgive and forget," as they say, and I really don't understand the meaning of that saying. Rather than admonishing people to forgive and forget, they might as well advise people to just forget, since if the transgression is forgotten it won't be remembered, and if you can't remember what someone did wrong -- or even that someone did anything wrong at all -- forgiveness no longer seems necessary. On the contrary, it seems that remembering is vital to forgiveness, since to truly forgive someone you must remember exactly what it was that that person did, and not so that you can eventually forget it, but so that you can work through it and rise above it. Though I suppose that over time, as your trust in the person returns, and happier memories outweigh those older ones of wrongdoing, you'll think so little of those turbulent times that it will be almost as if you'd forgotten them altogether.

2. What's your favorite...sunrise or sunset?

Great question. 🙂 Sunrises can be quite beautiful, but I'm going to have to go with sunset, if only because I love the night much more than the day. The day is a time of noise, with people rushing to and fro, chattering about nothing and listening to their hands and filling the atmosphere with the heat of aimless motion. Right now, there are several children outside, bouncing basketballs and shrieking. Even the birds will not shut up during the day. But the night is quiet, serene, cool. And the transformation of the sky as day becomes night -- first filled with lighter blues, then oranges and reds, then varying shades of purple until deep blue-black covers all -- is the perfect wordless poem for a solitary romantic. Besides, I rarely wake up early enough to see the sunrise, so when I see it it generally means that I'm still awake from the previous night, and I find the light harsh and irritating. And the birds, damn them. But I never curse the night when it spreads its shaded hand across quiet sky and softly calls the nocturnal streetlamps to action. 🙂

On to De, who asks:

1. Do you have a pepper bar?

Probably not, since I have no idea what that is. If you mean a spice rack/cabinet, there's one in the house, but I wouldn't call it a pepper bar. Nor would I call it mine. However, if you mean a candy bar of sorts made out of pepper, there's an idea for a SC recipe...

2. What brand of gum do you prescribe for your patients who chew gum?

Any gum is fine, so long as it's made from sugarcane!!! That one's only funny if you're marginally familiar with Singapore law. Last I checked (which was admittedly a while ago), it was illegal to chew gum in public. Get it now? Yeah, it was kinda lame. 😛

And finally, from rockin' soulless Mickey Glitter come the following questions:

1. Are you a doctor?

My father is, but not I. Hopefully, however, if some university started giving out honorary doctorates for excellence in the field of analyzing strange and wacky media in excessive depth and detail, they wouldn't overlook me after the first few rounds of awards were handed out.

2. Do you play one on TV?

Except for the closed-circuit TV morning announcements deals back in elementary school, I've never been on television. I wish I were, though -- I think I'd be a kickass actor. I'd love to be in an indy film. 🙂

Alrighty, that does it for this post! (MF, I'll answer your question next time.) This was kinda enjoyable, so if you've got more questions, don't hesitate to ask. As long as you have questions for me, I'll try to come up with answers for you. 😀

Oh, and I finally added Wendy to the links. I'm having trouble keeping track of them all. @_@;;