Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
September 14, 2006
wow
Category: Serious

So I got a letter in the mail today from my bank, which, at this time, is unable to approve my request for a credit card. I like that: "Unfortunately, at this time, we are unable to approve your request." As if it's out of their hands and they really would like to, but Hurricane Katrina wrecked their facilities and they're still rebuilding and those gosh-darned red kerchief-wearing bandits with their polished six-shooters keep emptying their vaults and they just don't have any credit to give to people who aren't super rich even though those people have had accounts with their bank since fucking 1999.

Oh, and apparently I'm supposed to be paying quarterly taxes, so I have to send a hefty check to the government tomorrow because I've neglected to pay for the first two quarters. I fucking hate my bank and finances and this country and the fact that I need to build credit to do anything yet can't build credit because my own fucking bank won't even give me a card and my head is throbbing and I feel very, very ill but not so ill that I wouldn't slam my fist down hard on that glowing red button and blow this fucking planet into microscopic smithereens. I'm highly upset right now.

-posted by Wes | 5:02 pm | Comments (6)
September 13, 2006
The Random Lunch Returns!
Category: SC Updates

A Random Lunch #11!

In case anyone missed it, I posted A Random Lunch #11 on Scary-Crayon on Monday. Looks delicious, doesn't it? Like hot vomit on cooling asphalt.

-posted by Wes | 7:26 pm | Comments (6)
September 8, 2006
Stuff from today
Category: Miscellany

A few random bits from my travels and whatnot today:

1. While in the supermarket, I looked down and could've sworn I saw "DECAPITATE!" scrawled on a cereal box. What the box actually said was "CRUNCH-A-TIZE ME, CAP'N!" Which is to say that it was a box of Cap'n Crunch. Still, I think I've uncovered the Cap'n's evil plan.

2. In Dollar General, I happened upon a 7' giant of a man with an intellectual disability who went out of his way to point out to me that the calendars were 2006 calendars but that 2006 is almost over. I shrugged and said, "I guess that's why they're a dollar!" (He was not amused.) The gentleman then insisted that another store had 2007 calendars for roughly the same price before going on to point that these calendars were largely outdated to a member of the store's staff. When the employee said that the 2007 calendars weren't out yet, the man again pointed out that he had seen 2007 calendars in another store. "Well," clarified the obviously irritated employee, "we haven't gotten them yet."

But lo! Shortly thereafter, I found 2007 calendars bearing images of flowers and puppies elsewhere in the store. (One of the reasons I dislike Dollar General is that it's so fucking disorganized and nobody cares; they just put shit wherever they please and call it a shift. Every Dollar General I have ever visited is like this, so I'm guessing the company encourages disorganization. They occasionally have good prices on certain items -- though much less often than the name of the store would have one believe -- but damned if they don't make you work to find what you're looking for.) I considered hunting the giant down to show him, but thought better of it.

3. In Electronics Boutique, a man approached the front counter and asked about when a game would be released, whereupon the sales associate gave him the date and then suggested that he reserve a copy for only five dollars. "You know," he said, "I've never understood that. Why would I reserve a game when I could just come to the store and get it on the day it comes out?" Now, he didn't say this in a joking way as if he actually did understand the rationale behind reserving pre-release titles, nor did he say this as someone who had never heard of the practice until that very moment. No, he sounded as if he had actually given some thought to the subject and yet remained unable to come up with a single good reason to explain the concept of reserving games!

The employee seemed flabbergasted by the question, but after a moment she went on to explain that reserving a title guarantees one a copy of the game, whereas unreserved titles are sold on a first come, first serve basis and could possibly sell out before the customer arrived on the release date. As I left, he continued: "That's ridiculous! How could you sell out?" How indeed, when the glass case behind the counter magically restocks itself!

4. In a news segment today, I witnessed further proof that politicians are terrible. Consider the controversies surrounding William Donald Schaefer. They played the bit with him commenting on her "outdated hairdo" -- as if one's hair has anything to do with one's effectiveness as a Comptroller! To be fair, she called him "Grandpa" first, but still. Childish, childish, childish.

Turd Sandwich or Giant Douche: WHICH WILL YOU CHOOSE?

Seems like there's something else I wanted to mention, but I can't recall exactly what it is! Owell. Later, gators. 😛

-posted by Wes | 7:26 pm | Comments (5)
September 6, 2006
This picture post is kind of depressing.
Category: Miscellany

Ph33r the watchful dragons

These are my dragons! I made the red one first (ah like red, so ah colored it meself ;)) and hypothesized that the attractive glossy photo paper was contributing to the ruin of the illusion (shadows and lighting have a much more pronounced effect on it, making it a lot easier to perceive the depth in the facial cavity), so I went ahead and made another dragon on regular paper to see if that worked better. It didn't, and I've since found that the illusion is facilitated by closing one eye (thereby removing the problem of depth perception), so I'll probably end up making one more glossy dragon (in addition to maybe another creature of my own) to add to the mix. I think I will color it green, yes. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 1:11 pm | Comments (4)
September 4, 2006
Then they will hiss and rip your limbs off.
Category: Fiction? … Linkage … SC Updates

Something really strange and sad happened on Friday that I want to write about shortly, but in the meantime I thought I'd note that part 3 of The Absolute Strangest Christmas Story Ever Told is up on Scary-Crayon. Here's my favorite excerpt:

Be careful down there! I hear that there are ill-tempered spiders in the darkness... black, richly furred creatures as big as cats and that scurry about heavily on legs as thick as the poles of street signs, which they never have cause to obey because there are no roads, paved or unpaved, that run through the lowermost sections of old library buildings. The eyes of these fearsome spiders glow red with menace and bloodlust, but I hear that, if you bring them jack-o-lantern shaped pails filled to the brim with sugar, they will cease their demonic machinations long enough to allow you to pet them (I hear their fur, though evil, as it grows from their fat, vicious arachnid bodies, is quite soft and pleasing to the touch). Then they will hiss and rip your limbs off. So again, I warn you -- be careful! Bring lots of cloth bandages and a cell phone, for you'll have to call someone by pressing the keys with your tongue after the spiders thoroughly feasted on your severed appendages. Having a friend with a wheelbarrow on the speed dial wouldn't hurt -- which is good, because you'll be in enough pain as it is.

I've also been pretty into paper crafts lately following my ongoing Dalek-making project, so here's a semi-neat one I came across involving an optical illusion dragon. I made two. The reality doesn't fool me at all (though it is a cool model), but the interesting thing is that when I filmed it with my digicam, the illusion totally works in the video. But then, I can't see magic eye puzzles either. Note that while this page attempts to provide an explanation -- not for this particular problem, but for Spy Kids 3D and 3D-type stuff in general -- that the illusion works when viewed by the camera's monocular lense seems to debunk it. It's also worth noting that the illusion failed for me even when I wore my glasses.

Alrighty then. Ja ne!

-posted by Wes | 5:48 am | Comments (4)