I have a tendency to spend way too much time writing these things, so I am limiting myself with this one. (You wouldn't believe it, but typing just this took me a full minute because I revised it that. many. times.) If I have not said what I intend to say within ten minutes, I will stop right there, mid-sentence, what have you -- and perhaps continue the thought another day. Perhaps not. We'll see. Okay, here goes:

On Friday, I took a page from what I believe to be the M. Glitter Playbook and stopped by Taco Bell for the first time since probably the late 90s. I used to go there all the time as a kid -- back when they had cool premiums like Batman and Ghostbusters cups (that was TB, right?) -- and then because it was a cheap place to get some halfway decent grub, but with me buying my own food from the supermarkets now and whatnot I just hadn't gone there. Anyway, I don't think I had a defined reason not to go there before, but I do now. See, the main draw of Taco Bell was never that the food was really good, but that it was really inexpensive. I mean, you could eat like a king (or pig) on just $5, if you got like five tacos or three tacos and something else or whatnot. But now Taco Bell seems way too expensive. I guess it's still cheap if you get beef tacos, but buying them with chicken (or steak) ups the price of each taco almost a whole dollar after tax -- so I ended up paying $3 for a lukewarm Cheesy Gordita Crunch. It wasn't bad, but for just a few more dollars I could make like ten of those things at home. So I'll have to pass on Taco Bell.

I was looking for a replacement pillowcase for my pillow (thanks for inadvertently reminding me to change it, Molly) on my laundry and clothing-filled top bunk and I came across an Ultimate Fighting Championship t-shirt that reads, "As real as it gets." And I thought, That is not true at all! Because "as real as it gets" would be like those underground Mortal Kombat type tournaments where people are actually killed and never seen or heard from again. Shame on you for lying, UFC!

Our time is up. 🙁

And the next time you want to call me childish or immature or or worthless or whatever you want to call me because I like toys and cartoons, you just remember that magazines marketed towards adults are selling because they ostensibly contain images of Tom Cruise's man-boobs. Yep.

The fluff makes him look wider, but he is actually quite thin.

Either I rarely get these or they usually get sent directly to my spam folder, but I received one of those Nigerian money scam e-mails in my inbox today! The odd thing about this one, though, is that it doesn't ask for my bank account info -- only for an initial reply -- as apparently we'd have to go through a multi-step process that culminates in diplomats delivering the money to my doorstep. I'm almost tempted to reply to see how that would play out! Perhaps they'd use my name and address and any other information they require for identity theft purposes... or perhaps something far more sinister is afoot.

Also interesting is the letter's signature, which reads:

Prof.Charles Soludo
Governor Central Bank Of Nigeria.

Now, being me, I wondered if Professor Charles Soludo actually a real person, so I went to Wikipedia... and behold! There is, in fact, a Professor Soludo, and he is indeed the Governor of the Board of Directors for the Central Bank of Nigeria. I wonder if he knows that people are using his name in spam scam schemes...

Okay, I just Googled Soludo's name and came across 419.bittenus.com, a page that details a whole bunch of scams. Apparently the lengthy process that is supposed to culminate in MONEY AT THE DOOR requires the payee to pay a whole bunch of fees that sometimes exceed thousands of dollars. Sometimes the payees are also convinced to travel to Africa in order to complete the deals, where they are murdered. Horrific!

Speaking of horrific...

Police: Mom Uses Baby As Weapon To Hit Boyfriend

It's like something out of a Bloodlust Software game! I am totally going to make myself a pair of toy babychuks now. IT'S NINJA TIME!!! 😀

I have watched a lot of movies during the past couple of weeks! Here are my reviews, in an average of five sentences or less. If you want lengthy plot summaries and synopses, you can just pop over to the IMDb links and check 'em out there!

City of Rott: Neat animation, but the film is basically a seven-minute Flash movie that drags on for 11 times as long, making it a really repetitive and boring and frustrating movie -- especially since the few decent ideas in the movie are wasted. Full review available on Scary-Crayon.

Average thus far: 2 sentences per review. (2/1)

Queen of the Damned: As I watched this movie on DVD, I said aloud to myself, "Man, this sure isn't as good as Interview With the Vampire!" Then I burst out laughing at the understatement -- this is nowhere near as good as Interview. In fact, it is fucking terrible... which I already knew because it is one of two movies (the other being Willard) that I actually made the trek to Milford to see alone during my undergrad years. So why'd I buy it? Well, it's like the quintessential bad vampire movie -- it's like a parody of bad campy low budget vampire movies, except worse because it actually takes itself somewhat seriously and had a budget and name stars and popular bands on its soundtrack (et cetera). And it's based on the writings of one of the greatest writers of vampire fiction ever!

To be fair, though, Anne Rice's Queen of the Damned novel was waaaay worse. I hated that book.

Average thus far: 5 sentences per review. (10/2)

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: You know, if I had seen this movie when I was 8 or 9, I probably would've thought it was the perfect adventure film -- it would've been like my Raiders of the Lost Ark. As it is, I thought it was kinda stylish and cool, but otherwise fairly shallow.

Average thus far: 4 sentences per review. (12/3)

The American Astronaut (Thanks, Ossabelle! :)): This was a neat little indie sci-fi flick with some quirky set pieces and cool musical numbers. Ultimately I think it suffers from a shallow plot and a lackluster antagonist, but that wouldn't stop me from recommending it to folks in the mood for, well, a neat little indie sci-fi flick with some quirky set pieces and cool musical numbers! 😉

Average thus far: 3.5 sentences per review. (14/4)

The Ring: I'm not sure whether the Japanese version was better or not -- somehow I'm thinking that it suffered from the same flaws that plague this one -- but this movie was fucking dumb and I have no idea how it has a 7+ rating over at IMDb. Evil videotapes and haunting telephone calls and pale little girls with too goddamned much hair (not to mention suicidal horses) are stupid, not scary.

Average thus far: 3.2 sentences per review. (16/5)

Flight of the Navigator (Thanks, Molly! :)): This is definitely one of the best family films I've ever seen -- a cute and thoroughly enjoyable (and oddly touching) film about a little boy who just wants to go home and befriends an alien ship in the process. I think the movie would've been a little better if the ship hadn't lost its mind and turned into Pee-wee Herman (seriously) after scanning the boy's brain, but it was still very good stuff.

Average thus far: 3 sentences per review. (18/6)

Monster: Okay, I'll admit it -- this tragic love story had me getting all teary-eyed at the end. Excellent performances (though I'm not sure I'd call any of them Oscar-worthy) and a poignant story rendered all the more heartbreaking because of its factual basis earn Monster a very high recommendation from me. Also, Christina Ricci has never been cuter.

Final average: 3 sentences per review -- w00t! (21/7)

All for now, then -- ja ne, minna-san. 🙂