Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
September 21, 2009
Commentary! High School Reunion.
Category: Photo … Travels

Of course, the title refers to mine -- not the TV show or Romy and Michele's -- since my ten-year high school reunion was this weekend! If you're interested, all of my photographs from the event can be seen here. Upon browsing them, Stefmax commented that I have the same face in all of the photos... as if my face should somehow morph and appear different in each picture. I'm not Man-E-Faces or Catherine Weaver, darnit! 😛

My extended comments and observations from the event follow, and I've placed them under subheadings for organization and convenience's sake. I've also withheld names -- unlike I did with my five-year reunion post -- for no reason in particular. If you attended the event and find yourself mentioned, you'll probably know I'm talking about you... and if you don't, that's probably good as well! That said, I hope that you find my comments to be clever, creative, and/or amusing, but not wholly ridiculous. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 5:06 am | Comments (6)
August 7, 2009
Category: Travels

This evening, I was walking Bacardi and we happened upon a group of kids playing. We've encountered (different) children before, and usually it isn't a problem -- the kids will typically smile and/or wave and go about their business, and sometimes (though rarely) one will come over and want to pet Bacardi. These particular kids, however, were horrible. Horrible.

First, one kid approached and thrust his hand out as if to pet Bacardi, but the action -- being the opposite of "friendly" -- scared the poor fellow so that he ran around to hide behind me. Since Bacardi clearly wasn't going to allow this kid to pet him, we started walking on, at which point the kid kept running at Bacardi while swinging a tennis racket. He wasn't actually going to hit Bacardi -- I hope -- but it was clear that he wanted to upset Bacardi, who responded again by running around to hide behind me. After this began, another kid on a bike took to repeatedly riding up behind us and then swerving so as to cut off Bacardi's path. He wasn't close enough to actually hit Bacardi, but again the intent seemed to be to make Bacardi think he was in danger. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 9:35 pm | Comments (11)
Old ladies moving in bullet time
Category: Travels

Today, at Dollar Tree, I encountered the slowest old ladies ever.

I mean, I've come across some slow old people before, but damn. It was like they were moving in fucking bullet time.

Watching these women, I actually had time to wonder how they deal with it. Like, does their mental activity slow down as well -- such that they have no idea how bloody long they're taking to move just a few steps forward -- or are they fully conscious and cognizant of the fact that slugs would be outstripping them with their slimy trails? If the latter, I'm not sure how they do it! Moving that goddamned slowly and knowing it would piss me off.

On the other hand, maybe the completion of every step would be like a huge accomplishment, such that I'd want to take a moment (or eighteen million) to dance a little jig.

A diagram of the slowness!

Anyway, here's a diagram of the one time I got stuck behind one of the old ladies. As labeled, the blue dot is me, the yellow dot is a middle-aged lady who was also waiting to pass, and the grey dot is the old lady. The old lady's dot is larger not because she was (extremely) fat, but because her huge cart and insistence on remaining dead center in the aisle effectively prevented anyone from slipping past her. The green areas are shelves -- and thus represent obstacles -- and the "H" represents the traversable areas. The colored arrows indicate the intended travel paths and are matched to the corresponding players. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 7:32 pm | Comments (5)
April 26, 2009
I am not a zombie
Category: Serious … Travels

If you live in or around Laurel -- especially if you spend a lot of time walking around the city -- you've probably noticed this crazy guy wearing a black jacket over a white t-shirt, baggy black jeans over black boots, and an oversized pair of headphones. Sometimes his dress varies slightly -- I think he's worn tan boots on occasion, and sometimes the jeans are navy blue rather than black -- but he's always wearing the headphones. And he's always yelling something that borders on gibberish, which is why I don't think he's entirely sane. He appears in various places in the city, but can most frequently be found on the sidewalk outside of Hooters and Red Sky.

Sometimes he is dancing. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 8:55 pm | Comments (8)
August 17, 2008
Not quite five by five
Category: Toys … Travels … TV, Film, & DVDs

Five by five?

So for the past couple of weeks or so, I've been on an extended Faith kick. I rewatched the Season 4 episodes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in which she appeared, her appearances in Seasons 1 and 4 of "Angel"... I even sat through those godawful "Buffy" Season 7 episodes for her. And now I'm in the process of watching Season 3 again (skipping the heathen -- that is Faithless -- episodes), though I think I'll take a break from them tonight to watch the "Buffy" Season 2 episodes with Kendra.

(With my renewed Faith and Buffy kick, I ordered a Buffy figure online... but they sent me Kendra by mistake. Of course I shipped her butt back and am awaiting the correct item, but the ordeal has left me with a desire to watch Kendra's few appearances again.)

...the lion and the fatling together...

Anyway, it's sort of fitting that I've been so into Faith lately, since yesterday I accompanied my mother on this church retreat to see the Sight & Sound Theaters production of "In the Beginning." Of course, I really only went because the trip also included a stop at a shopping center with KB Toys and Disney Store Outlet shops, but I did have some minimal interest in seeing the play. I'll write more about the day on Scary-Crayon -- or at least that's the plan; we'll see -- but suffice it to say that few words describe the play so well as flipping retarded. Picture, if you will, brachiosaurs in the Garden of Eden; velociraptors running around in the wilderness following the Fall; Adam and his progeny riding about on a woolly mammoth; horrific angels that looked like a cross between harpies and the robots of death; and, worst and most hilarious of all, a nine-foot-tall purple serpent with glowing red eyes. Adam and Eve's problem wasn't so much that they were disobedient, but rather that they were dumb. Anyone who trusts a giant purple snake with flaming eyes -- and jets of smoke erupting behind it -- deserves whatever the Hell happens as a result.

An okay haul.

Anyway, back to Faith. I didn't find quite as much as I'd hoped at the KB Toys Outlet, and all of the other stores were a total bust... but I did come across Faith figures! And given my current kick, it almost seemed too good to be true -- I was even planning to order a Faith figure this week -- if not eerily coincidental. I mean, while I've seen DC Direct and Mortal Kombat figures in KB before, I'd never seen Buffy figures in KB Toys until that moment. Granted, they looked kind of bad (I had to pick through them in earnest to find ones without completely screwed paint jobs), and Faith was the only character in stock, but still. I had a Faith figure! Even if it didn't look like her, I was rather pleased.

But I recognized that it seemed too good to be true, and the toys did look a little flimsy... so I got two just in case. And sure enough, as soon as I got home and took the first Faith out of the package, I noticed immediately that something was very, very wrong. Almost every single one of her joints was stuck fast. So right away she went into the freezer, and a good half hour later I removed her to try my luck again. And off came her leg, just like that -- given the way it came off, it looks like the attaching peg was cracked to begin with. I was disappointed, but I did still have the other Faith. She didn't even get the chance to go into the freezer, though, as removing her from the package resulted in her leaving her leg behind right from the outset.

So, yesterday, I lost an entire day on a trip to see a crappy uber-creationist religious play and had my Faith broken. Twice. 👿

Chun-Li has been healed by the power of HOPE!

On the bright side, I'm holding out hope that I can fix the Faiths (or at least one of them; I may just return the other). You may recall my experience with Chun-Li, who broke after I ordered her a while back and had to be replaced. Well, I still had the broken figure... and inspired by these Faith mishaps (what is it with left legs?!) to try my hand at fixing her, I sat down today and did just that. And, as you see, I was successful! Faith looks like she'll be a more difficult -- part of the reason the figure broke in the first place is poor design; while a metal screw will certainly be stronger than the brittle, toothpick-thin plastic peg with which the leg was originally attached, forcing the head of a screw into the tiny space between her legs (hm, this is sounding kinda dirty) will prove rather difficult -- but I'm confident that it can be done. I suppose if all else fails, I could try the Hasbro approach and peg the leg up into the torso. Faith's waist doesn't move, so there should be a lot of space up there for an anchor.

Also, shoofly pie? Terrible. If you ever find yourself in Lancaster County, do yourself a huge favor and pass on that dessert. 😐

-posted by Wes | 9:59 pm | Comments (7)