Lovely, aren't they? And is it just me, or does Agent Helix look a bit like the adorable Samantha Krutzfeldt? Let's compare the two...

If only Hasbro would work a Lena Headey likeness into the line...

This evening, I was walking Bacardi and we happened upon a group of kids playing. We've encountered (different) children before, and usually it isn't a problem -- the kids will typically smile and/or wave and go about their business, and sometimes (though rarely) one will come over and want to pet Bacardi. These particular kids, however, were horrible. Horrible.

First, one kid approached and thrust his hand out as if to pet Bacardi, but the action -- being the opposite of "friendly" -- scared the poor fellow so that he ran around to hide behind me. Since Bacardi clearly wasn't going to allow this kid to pet him, we started walking on, at which point the kid kept running at Bacardi while swinging a tennis racket. He wasn't actually going to hit Bacardi -- I hope -- but it was clear that he wanted to upset Bacardi, who responded again by running around to hide behind me. After this began, another kid on a bike took to repeatedly riding up behind us and then swerving so as to cut off Bacardi's path. He wasn't close enough to actually hit Bacardi, but again the intent seemed to be to make Bacardi think he was in danger. (more...)

Today, at Dollar Tree, I encountered the slowest old ladies ever.

I mean, I've come across some slow old people before, but damn. It was like they were moving in fucking bullet time.

Watching these women, I actually had time to wonder how they deal with it. Like, does their mental activity slow down as well -- such that they have no idea how bloody long they're taking to move just a few steps forward -- or are they fully conscious and cognizant of the fact that slugs would be outstripping them with their slimy trails? If the latter, I'm not sure how they do it! Moving that goddamned slowly and knowing it would piss me off.

On the other hand, maybe the completion of every step would be like a huge accomplishment, such that I'd want to take a moment (or eighteen million) to dance a little jig.

Anyway, here's a diagram of the one time I got stuck behind one of the old ladies. As labeled, the blue dot is me, the yellow dot is a middle-aged lady who was also waiting to pass, and the grey dot is the old lady. The old lady's dot is larger not because she was (extremely) fat, but because her huge cart and insistence on remaining dead center in the aisle effectively prevented anyone from slipping past her. The green areas are shelves -- and thus represent obstacles -- and the "H" represents the traversable areas. The colored arrows indicate the intended travel paths and are matched to the corresponding players. (more...)

Elizabeth Carlisle is kinda cute.

TOO BAD SHE'S FREAKIN' CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY

Seriously, who drowns rabbits?! More to the point, who drowns rabbits and then takes a picture holding up their sodden corpses?!? AND THEN POSTS IT ON FACEBOOK FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE?!?!?!?

And y'all heard about the guy who let his daughter die because he was holding out for a miraculous cure from Jesus, right? I always find things like this interesting -- and unsurprising -- because it's actually quite rational within the religious mindset. Heck, given the stranglehold that Judeo-Christian faiths seem to have on the American public, I'm surprised these incidents don't happen more often. I mean, if everything is in God's hands and will always work out according to His Divine Plan, why should the doctor be called when a person gets sick? The doctor would just be meddling in affairs that God already has totally under control.

Of course, one could also ask why the doctor shouldn't be called, since it might be possible that God works through doctors and His efforts would, in fact, be impeded when people refuse to seek medical treatment. Except God's efforts are never impeded... so yeah.

I think the reality that most people aren't running through the streets eating each other is proof that the members of our so-called Christian nation don't truly take the Gospel to heart -- anyone who totally believed this stuff would be irredeemably batshit insane.

Seriously. Like Wikipedia, reading one entry at TV Tropes leads to another and then another and then another and then another still, and suddenly it's like, "Hey, why is it dark outside and what have I been doing for the past ten hours?!" But unlike Wikipedia, which might actually teach you something you didn't already know (whether you retain said knowledge or not), TV Tropes mostly involves browsing humorous descriptions and examples of stuff with which you were probably already familiar... so it's like time has just vanished and you don't have any new trivia about the diet of elephants or the habitat of penguins to share.

In fact, that's the main draw of the site! When I read about a familiar trope and go down the lengthy lists of examples, I mainly scan for shows I've seen so that I can recall the relevant scenes and enjoy a hearty laugh or a knowing smile. Yes. (more...)