So first the fucker just shits in the hall even though he knows goddamned well where his fucking litter box is. Then the dig runs amok on the kitchen table and, among other things, tears open a bag of chocolate chip cookies and eats part of one. ISN'T CHOCOLATE SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU? IDIOT. So when I come out of my room and see what he's done, I shut him up in the downstairs bathroom as punishment... and now the fucker won't stop barking. SHUT UP, BACARDI! Before I shove you in a sack and leave you outside a Chinese restaurant or something.

This is why I could never have a dog. There's shit in the hall right now. Fucking let my sister clean it. He's not my damned dog.