This morning I woke up to find this orange lightning bolt indicator on my laptop going nuts. My still half-asleep mind immediately began pondering its meaning:

Is my computer trying to summon the Flash? Does Freakazoid require my help battling Cybermen somewhere in the Internets? Did Windows download an automatic update that gives me advance thunderstorm warnings?!

Not really, of course -- it was pretty obvious that something was up with the battery -- which became even more apparent when the computer died as I went to check the connection to the adapter. So after I plugged it back in and lamented the loss of my Spider-Man and Transformers personality quiz results (I got Doc Ock and Trailbreaker, respectively), I turned the laptop back on -- whereupon Windows informed me that the battery was IRREVERSIBLY DECEASED (or something similarly distressing and in all capital letters). So yeah, my laptop battery is dead -- not that I ever used it all that much anyhow.

I'd still like to get a new one, though, if only so that I don't have this gaping hole in the bottom of the machine that oh-so-conveniently happens to include the area where one of the four rubber feet used to be and leaves the machine lightly balancing on three prongs. (Of course, I could rectify this problem by just leaving the dead battery in, but then I'd run the risk of the machine trying to eat my brAAAiNsssss. The constantly flashing thunderstorm warning was also pretty bloody annoying -- before I finally removed the blasted thing I took to covering it up with a package of chewing gum.) Unfortunately, in addition to costing $165.99, the only Dell battery available for my laptop has absolutely horrible reviews. Seriously, go look -- they're horrible. Shit, even the power adapter got horrible reviews. How do you even make a horrible power adapter? Seems like that should be a pretty straightforward product to me.

Ideally I'd buy a better third-party battery, except Dell doesn't recommend using any batteries other than Dell batteries. It doesn't necessarily mean that other batteries wouldn't work -- they probably would, and I wouldn't get one unless it mentioned my model anyway -- but it does mean that I couldn't bitch at Dell if it exploded in my face or something. Not that I'd necessarily be alive to bitch if it exploded in my face, but yeah. (Then again, if Nathan Petrelli can be at about ground zero when a WMD goes off and survive, who knows? 😛 ) There would also be the problem of the missing rubber foot, which I'm guessing only Dell batteries made for these laptop models have. There is absolutely no reason to have the goddamned rubber foot on the battery.

Dell is totally fucking with me.