The Stampman saga continues -- and apparently more harassment took place on Sunday! At one point he blocked my mother's path in the church and refused to let her pass until she shook his hand. Then, at the Thanksgiving dinner, ol' Stampy made a point of sitting at a table adjacent to my mother's so that his back was to hers. God only knows how much time he spent staring at the back of her head, but, when the churchgoers were asked to applaud our veterans and current soldiers, he turned, leaned over, and slammed his hands together roughly a foot from my mother's ear. The most unfortunate part is that Mom met with the pastor (again) to discuss the Stampman's harassment following the church service, so this latter incident happened after the pastor told him to leave her the frick alone.

Oh, and he left another message on the voice mail tonight -- once again begging Mom to be his friend. Ugh.

Anyway, remember the Halloween card I mentioned in the last Stampman entry? Here it is! This is actually the first time I'd actually looked at it -- I wasn't really eager to touch it (and not because he has HIV, but rather because he's uber creepy and I wouldn't put it past him to seal the envelope with jizz or something), so I was working from my mother's description before -- and wow. Wow. Even the envelope is creepy, what with the tiny snowcat creatures and the fact that he's addressed it as being from a fictional sender who lives at a nonexistent address. Yay!

It gets worse when you flip it over -- note the seal of hearts. Again, ugh.

No zoom necessary here (do remember that the images above and below can be clicked for a closer look at the creepiness) -- it's just a card featuring a witch silhouette and a background comprised of an orange moon and stripes. I actually like the card, but the circumstances make it the scariest Halloween card I've ever seen.

And inside? THE STAMPS ARE BACK! CAT FACES AND COWS!!! And references! Gah, this is way too creepy. The Stampman seems to be under the impression that the only reason Mom no longer wants anything to do with him is that he has HIV -- never mind that he's been stalking her for the past year and a half, with highlights that include calling her 40 times in a single day, blocking her path in public places and calling her a "bitch," "snob," and "witch" (hence the none in the card -- it's totally on message), and sending creepy cards like this one and the one seen here even after she's made it clear that she wants nothing to do with him.

That's really the kicker. I understand miscommunication; I understand that things can get kind of awkward and uncomfortable for one or both parties when there are unrequited feelings and commitments. I'd even be sympathetic to the Stampman if my mother had never made her feelings clear -- I know what it's like to spend time with a person for a while, think you have a close, meaningful friendship and that everything is cool, and suddenly have police show up at your residence to question you about your stalking of said person. This is why I told Mom to let him know flat out that she wasn't interested and to stop talking to him as soon as his intentions became apparent. (I do believe that one can be friends with someone who used to be a romantic interest, but definitely not if that person only attempted to "befriend" the other in the first place because of romantic aspirations.) Unfortunately, she waited until he became obsessed to give him the message, and apparently -- here's the kicker -- punctuated her message that she wasn't interested with, "You need to find someone who's got what you've got."

So I guess his conclusion that the HIV is the main reason she doesn't want to date him or even be his friend makes a little sense, but fuck. If someone doesn't want to be your friend, you have to delete that person's name from your buddy list and move on. My most significant stalking accusation (the only one involving police and authorities) was way more complex than this situation in terms of the parties and entanglements, but I did have another experience in which a girl apparently thought I was "stalking" her. I thought we were completely cool and that I was simply having a hard time reaching her by phone -- per our previous conversations, I was under the impression that she didn't have a good calling plan and had limited calling card use, so I always called her, and even then I only called her once or twice a week and always at specific times that I noted in my messages. The last time I talked to her, she picked up the phone and simply said, "I don't want to talk to you." I said, "Okay! I hope you feel better" -- she'd previously mentioned not feeling well as a reason for not picking up the phone-- "and have a nice life. Bye." And that was the last time I spoke to her. (I heard about the stalking allegation later, through my mother, since she and that girl's mother are acquaintances.)

The incident occurred during the time that I was seeing a therapist on campus per the "request" (that is, order) of the dean following the more pivotal "stalking" incident. When I described the event to the therapist at my session that week, he said, "And you just hung up without getting more information? Didn't you want to know why she didn't want to talk to you?" I calmly said, "No," and I meant it. I can understand people wanting to know more -- presumably so they can fix the situation, or fix others in the future, or something -- but I am convinced that that is the wrong way to go about things. If someone doesn't want to deal with you, you shouldn't want to deal with that person either -- nor should you waste time wondering about why that person rejected you.

Heck, you shouldn't waste time thinking about that person at all. I noted in parentheses that my mother is friends with that girl's mother, so oftentimes she'll gossip about the girl to me in negative terms. "Such-and-such has gotten so fat! She's engaged now, but you didn't need her anyway -- she's all fat and funky." And it makes me angry not because I despise that girl or wish her ill, but because I honestly couldn't care what she looks like or even if she lives or dies. It's like how "Entertainment Tonight" pisses me off because, seriously, who the fuck besides Reese Witherspoon's close friends and family should care about the progression of her relationship or what she likes to wear when she's exercising? Just like I don't care for Reese Witherspoon outside of the films in which she appears (and I don't even care for her in most of those), these people completely do not matter to me outside of my recollection of the events that involved them. They have been completely banished from my monkeysphere.

Instead of dealing with or worrying about these people, it's better to deal with people who do want to deal with you. And if no one does (and I have a ton of experience in that department as well), then you should delight in your own company. If that's a problem for you, then you should probably be focusing on that instead of seeking extensive social and/or romantic interaction anyway.

But like I said, I do get a lot of this. In a way, I think the culture is to blame -- and not just because the obsession with celebrities via shows like ET is pretty damned stalkerish -- what with the frequent depictions of fictional women simply playing hard to get and the ability of (almost) any man to get the girl if he's persistent enough. My favorite example is Spike on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", as he began as the sworn and hated enemy of Buffy and eventually worked his way into her bed and inner circle through sheer devotion and sacrifice (not to mention a healthy dose of stalking, but then following people and lurking is what vampires do). When it comes to relationships on television and in books, "no" means "maybe someday" means "keep at it" means "yes." If at first you don't succeed, try, try again, right? But the real world isn't like that. Life is not a dream or a fantasy, and people owe it to each other to make that clear by being as clear and upfront as possible from the start -- even if it means being blunt and hurting someone's feelings, which my mother used to whine about not wanting to do (while continuing to make excuses to avoid doing so) even after she finally woke up and smelled the creepy.

Of course, I could elaborate on many of these topics and experiences in enough depth and detail to fill at least three books, but I'll stop here. But before I go, note also that I haven't bothered to obscure his name on the card this time. Oh, I'll still mostly refer to him as "the Stampman" in my posts, but I see no reason to hide his name any longer. It's not "protecting the innocent," because this fucker is totally not innocent. Henry Ford is a fucking crazy stalker who is in desperate need of a hobby. I recommend the collecting of toys and the watching of anime DVDs. 😛