A few days ago, I asked a question... and now, it's answer time! But first, let me say that you shouldn't feel too bad if you didn't get this one. Not that you would or should feel bad, of course -- and if you do, keep in mind that I wouldn't have asked it if the answer were completely obvious. Moreover, even if you answered incorrectly, you likely based your conclusion on correct premises. You might also have guessed correctly based on incorrect premises, in which case you're just lucky. 😉

(Note: I'm about to ramble on about the Turtles for quite a bit longer than I'd anticipated -- so if you want to skip all of that, just click here.)

So if you knew that I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles more than the Incredible Hulk -- zombie or otherwise -- pat yourself on the back. I probably like the Turtles more than anything, including Batman, Spider-Man, Street Fighter, Teen Titans (even though the Teen Titans cartoon is admittedly superior to any of the Turtles' animated outings), Transformers, Ghostbusters, the X-Men, Buffy... I even like them more than Madballs. The Turtles belonged to my generation in a way that few other properties could. Batman, Spider-Man, and the X-Men were pretty awesome and had cool comics and cartoons (especially Bats; that's another 'toon that trumps the TMNT shows), but they'd been around for ages. I can't even remember the first time that I encountered those characters, because as far as my life is concerned they've always been here.

But the Turtles were new. I remember very little about my childhood (and my teenage and even adult years, for that matter), but I remember seeing those action figures on a carousel outside the KB Toys where I would work 12 years later and thinking, "Whoa...!" And whereas there were a bunch of fresh properties with neat toys that hardly occupy such a prominent place in my heart or memories, the Turtles were singularly endearing to my generation in another way: they were pervasive as all hell. There were toys. There was the cartoon. There were movies. Comics. Storybooks. Trading cards. Clothing. Toothpaste. Soap. Christmas ornaments. Cereal. Fruit snacks. Cookies. Hostess pies. A Pizza Hut promotion tied to -- get this -- a freaking Ninja Turtles concert. It was the first concert that I ever attended.

There were also video games. So when I stopped playing with action figures and graduated almost exclusively to video games, I still couldn't ditch the Turtles -- because, unlike the majority of licensed titles, TMNT games were flipping awesome. And then, when the sun finally set on the Turtles' empire in the late 90s... they just waited five years and came back in 2003. Granted, they're nowhere near as ubiquitous as they once were (the kiddies of today will miss out on having crunchy ninja nets and weapon-shaped marshmallows in their complete breakfasts 🙁 ), but all I really want at this point are the figures and DVDs anyway.

Anyway, what this means is that I have tons of TMNT figures -- from the figures that I owned as a child to others that I've since purchased on eBay to an imported Japanese exclusive to figures from the current cartoons and 2007 film. It also means that, while I'm always glad to add more Turtles to the collection, they won't necessarily take priority over other purchases... especially since these older figures fit in just as well with any newer figures. Unlike the old ToyBiz Marvel figures -- which, at 5" tall, are fairly tiny compared to the current 6"-scale Marvel Legends figures -- the old 4" Turtles and newer 5" Turtles are fine height-wise because the Turtles were supposed to be around 4' back then and 5' today.

It would also probably help to know that Michelangelo is my least favorite of the four, though this wasn't always the case. In fact, when I was a kid, Michaelangelo (his name was spelled differently then!) was my favorite. He's always been sort of comic relief, but whereas back in the day that meant that he talked like a surfer dude and was obsessed with pizza -- to the point that, in one episode, Splinter actually hypnotized him to help him overcome his addiction -- nowadays it just means he talks way too much and often lets loose with belches that last for 20 seconds. Ugh.

But you wouldn't necessarily have required all of that background info to field a correct guess. The most important information in the original setup wasn't that it was TMNT versus Hulk, or even TMNT versus zombies, or even how much I hated the Marvel Zombies comics (give yourself a point if you knew that), but rather something that costs about $16 versus something that costs $5. The difference, while still the same in terms of the dollar amount separating them, becomes even more pronounced after the application of the gift card: $12 versus $1. So JerseyGirl was right about the determining factor here.

In fact, it's exceedingly rare for me to pay more than $10 for an action figure. Before tax, anyway, since many current figures retail at $9.99 -- though I don't end up paying even that much half of the time since I tend to seek out sales and clearance buys. Note that I got all of the figures above a few weeks ago for less than $20 (pre-tax). And even when I do buy figures that cost more than $10 -- like New Gods Darkseid or the ML Movie Hulk in the third picture below -- I usually either a) get it along with several other clearance-priced figures that allow me to justify the price (particularly with online orders, given shipping costs) or b) have a coupon that I can only use if I spend above a set amount. Sure, I spent quite a bit more than $10 on the Chalice of Guudenuph, but he's a superarticulated pink elephant warrior limited to 300 pieces. And admittedly, had the choice involved Donatello rather than Michelangelo, he probably would have won out in the end.

Anyway, that means the answer to the first installment of "What would Wes do?" is the Marvel Select Zombie Hulk. He's a cool enough figure -- especially since I got him for 95 cents with the $4.34 gift card -- but if you actually read that review (I hadn't seen it before I got him) and decided that I would pick Michelangelo on the basis of it, give yourself a pat on the back. That review is not kidding when it mentions that his joints are pretty tight out of the package, which makes complete sense because almost all of them were flipping painted shut. I really, really, really hate it when figures have joints painted shut. The poses above aren't even all that involved, and to get Hulk into them I had to pour boiling water all over the figure (burning myself in the process; ooh look, the skin's peeling) and still nearly gave myself a hernia trying to get Hulk's arms and legs to move. Seriously, given the excessive force I was applying to the thing, it's a wonder I didn't snap it into several pieces. It's fitting in more ways than one, though -- in addition to the figure being as tough as the actual Hulk, you need the strength of the freaking Hulk in order to pose the blasted thing. I guess this is what happens when rigor mortis sets in!

So yeah, Zombie Hulk for the win. Congrats to those who got it right, better luck next time to those who didn't, and thanks to everyone who commented for playing. I'm not sure how often I'll ask these kinds of questions -- even if it is really a setup for me to share more about myself and my thoughts, which is generally the purpose of the blog in any case, something about demanding that you predict my actions in a given situation feels sorta vain. But then again, perhaps it's no more vain than expecting people to read my ramblings about random and oftentimes unimportant stuff in the first place. Right? 😉