Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
March 7, 2006
Brief thoughts on the Oscars.
Category: Miscellany

I could care less about the Oscars, so I only caught a few parts of it in passing. Thoughts:

Can somebody who finds Jon Stewart funny explain to me... why? No, seriously. Pick a joke he's told and explain to me, in the comments, what's funny about it. Then, provided that you can, convince me that he regularly tells jokes of that nature. I've never found the guy to be terribly amusing -- not on "The Daily Show" (which largely consists of people making idiotic remarks that speak for themselves, so the bullshit he adds is pointless and unnecessary), not in the related books supposedly written by him, not on his guest spots on talk shows (though that may not quite be his fault), and now, not on the Oscars. As best I can tell, people find him amusing because of that one goofy face he makes, but if you think about it, that is, quite literally, infantile humor. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people find it funny, given that humanity almost entirely consists of gibbering idiots figuratively regurgitating on themselves and pissing in the air. Goo-goo, ga-ga, bitches.

Reese Witherspoon. Fucking hell. I listened to a brief commentary about the Oscars on a random news site, and the commentator went on for a bit about the "fantastic" speech that she gave. Excuse me? I actually caught that speech and I wanted to punch her in the fucking face the entire time. Was she irritating or what? The only movie I ever thought she was good in was Election, and only then because it was her only believable performance. Reese Witherspoon is annoying as all hell -- she's not a sweetheart that I can see anyone genuinely desiring (unless that desire includes a certain element of brutality and hatred). I seriously wish I'd been at the show (like Tamara -- updated link!) so I could've yelled, "HEY! SOMEBODY SHUT THAT BITCH UP!" And then when people gasped and inquired aloud who said it, I'd jump up on my chair and shout, "IT WAS ME!!!" And then crayons would rain from the sky.

A movie about gay cowboys actually won awards. Does anyone else have a craving for pudding?

And Crash for Best Picture. Now, I didn't see any of the other nominated films, so I can't comment on how deserving Crash was in comparison, but I didn't think the movie deserved that kind of award. It certainly wasn't the best picture that I saw in 2005. (Of course, with the exception of The Godfather, I've found very few of the winners that I've seen to be worthy of that distinction, but still.) And Crash had a message? It struck me as a pretty shallow and cartoony depiction of racism with an artsy "everything comes full circle" undercurrent that offered very little in the way of actual depth, solutions, or even condemnation. You want to talk about real racism, we'll talk about how films like Hustle & Flow further negative stereotypes and hinder actual progress in this department. "It's hard out here for a pimp?" It should be fucking harder, because pimps should be in jail getting anally raped. Fuck that movie.

All for now -- ja ne, minna-san.

-posted by Wes | 4:43 am | Comments (6)
  • Matt says:

    Yeah, I pretty much agree with everything you said.

  • the Jax says:

    Hmm...I actually saw "Walk the Line", and the acting was brilliant. I'm afraid I liked Legally Blonde as well, so Reese isn't an automatic "thumbs down" in my book, but she and Renee Zellweger and in fact most actresses have something fundamentally annoying about them when they aren't "in character." So-called "Oscar-deserving" movies rarely interest me and I almost never see them. I usually don't see many movies in a year, period. I got dragged around to several this time...
    What else did I see this year? "King Kong", bloated but award-worthy; "Fantastic Four," completely vapid; "Narnia," very good but deosn't measure up to the books; "War of the Worlds", I liked that one, too! "Memoirs of a Geisha", so-so; "Star Wars III", all the acting was bad except Chewbacca. "Sin City" gets most of the "Jax" awards this year. Overall, not a great year for movies. Oh, was Alien vs Predator this year? That one was pretty cool. I wanted to see Doom, dammit!

  • dave says:

    I think Jon Stewart's skill is as a host, rather than as a comedian, so goofy faces is a legitimate part of that. I usually enjoy the beginning of the Daily Show, but that show is known for having dozens of writers.
    When he was on Oprah the next day, Stewart kept referring to what "we" wrote for the Oscars, and I think that means the Daily Show team.
    I'd say his job is to host the Daily Show - which means he's responsible for moving things along, and letting the audience know when to laugh, and bringing out the best in his guests. I think he does that well.

    By the way, Oprah (who I know you love) interviewed Reese Witherspoon about her speech the next day, so I guess Reese's response was kind of a speech about a speech. The favorite line was that she wants to "do something that matters"
    But her award was a biopic - was it, actually what she did that mattered, or was it what June Carter did that mattered, and do people in Hollywood know the difference between doing something and playing someone who did something?
    More to the point, if she wants to do something that matters, maybe she should do anything but showbiz?

    Crash, I was embarassed to have watched. The characters were one dimensional, the situations were predictable, and I didn't see a point to the whole movie.

    I think Batman was the best movie I saw last year.

  • the Jax says:

    OMG, I forgot all about Batman Begins! Also a great movie, but it loses points for casting Katie Holmes. Next time, how about Elisha Cuthbert as Barbara Gordon?

  • the Jax says:

    LOL, if I keep posting Wes will make me write an article about this! I also forgot to mention seeing "Sound of Thunder" and "Family Stone". "Stone" was better than I thought it would be, but I wouldn't give it any awards. I liked the actors in "Sound of Thunder", and there were some good action moments, but the way the plot unfolded was ridiculous. Logic flaws you could drive a tank through. You've probably never even heard of this movie; I saw it at a free preview screening and most of the audience hated it.
    Also wish I'd seen "Kung Fu Hustle"!

  • Wes says:

    Kung Fu Hustle was borrrrrr-rrrring. I did kinda want to see Sound of Thunder, though. Wasn't it supposed to have dinosaurs in it? I'll generally forgive even a terrible movie if it has dinosaurs in it. I like dinosaurs. 🙂

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