Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
February 11, 2020
The Mystery Judge
Category: Miscellany

So last week I had jury duty. Perhaps more on that later, but for now let me just say: the judge looked a LOT like a famous actor, and figuring out who it was bugged the heck out of me after the first time I approached the bench. Was it John Candy (albeit much slimmer)? John Ritter? A John Candy/John Ritter hybrid? What actor had I seen sporting such kind features and exuding such warmth and congeniality?

Then I had to approach the bench a second time, and he leaned in and looked more serious, and I was sure it was some other actor. And when I apologized for asking so many questions, and he dismissed it with a chuckle and a wave, I was sure I was close. The answer was on the tip of my tongue -- but I didn't have it yet.

I sat down and leaned to the side to look past the other jurors and take in the judge's face, and suddenly I had it. The courtroom filled with bees; the judge's robe became a leather jacket with three metal spikes adorning each shoulder. Several notably devout jurors vanished, leaving behind only their clothes and the faintest scent of vanilla. Atop the witness stand, the Cheddar Goblin vomited macaroni and cheese onto a pair of children shrieking with delight.

This was the courtroom of Nicolas Cage.

-posted by Wes | 2:14 am | Comments (0)
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