And not because of the stupid dead pixel thingy, which I've gotten pretty good at working around and not noticing. No, I despise this LCD screen because when I happen to be awake in the mornings when the darkness flees, Mister Sunshine illuminates every single tiny spot and smudge and speck of dust and lint on the goddamned thing, which moves me to commence shrieking followed by ninety-minute sessions of wiping and buffing and wiping and buffing and wiping and buffing and wiping and buffing and wiping and buffing and wiping and buffing in order to remove these horrible blemishes from my sight -- a neverending series of futile gestures because even as I continue to wipe and buff and wipe and buff and wipe and buff and wipe and buff buff buff buff buff the screen continues to acquire additional smudges (hence the repeated buffing) and collect even more tiny particles due to its irredeemably evil static field that somehow manages to attract every single vicious speck of dust or lint within a thirty-foot radius. I swear, someday this laptop is going to drive me to the edge of insanity and then send me soaring over the edge and into the distance just like Charlie Brown would have kicked that football if Lucy hadn't kept being a total bitch and moving the damned thing. Argh.

Your mission, junior inventors -- should you choose to accept it -- is to create a smudge-proof LCD screen that generates a reverse static field that actually repels dust and lint particles. Your Nobel Prize awaits.