Thus revealed, the creature buried its nose in the tire-tilled soil...
February 11, 2020
The Mystery Judge
Category: Miscellany

So last week I had jury duty. Perhaps more on that later, but for now let me just say: the judge looked a LOT like a famous actor, and figuring out who it was bugged the heck out of me after the first time I approached the bench. Was it John Candy (albeit much slimmer)? John Ritter? A John Candy/John Ritter hybrid? What actor had I seen sporting such kind features and exuding such warmth and congeniality?

Then I had to approach the bench a second time, and he leaned in and looked more serious, and I was sure it was some other actor. And when I apologized for asking so many questions, and he dismissed it with a chuckle and a wave, I was sure I was close. The answer was on the tip of my tongue -- but I didn't have it yet.

I sat down and leaned to the side to look past the other jurors and take in the judge's face, and suddenly I had it. The courtroom filled with bees; the judge's robe became a leather jacket with three metal spikes adorning each shoulder. Several notably devout jurors vanished, leaving behind only their clothes and the faintest scent of vanilla. Atop the witness stand, the Cheddar Goblin vomited macaroni and cheese onto a pair of children shrieking with delight.

This was the courtroom of Nicolas Cage.

-posted by Wes | 2:14 am | Comments (0)
June 11, 2019
Black Mirror S5 Review

Just my thoughts on the three episodes in Black Mirror Series 5.

E1, "Striking Vipers"

Easily the best episode of the season, and layered enough that continuing to ponder the episode continues to yield further insights. That might in part be that I found the episode particularly relatable in that, when I was an adolescent, my primary activity with my friends was playing video games -- and almost exclusively fighting games, as depicted in this episode. And... that was mostly it. We didn't much talk about anything else and weren't particularly close in terms of our real lives (so in a way it's not terribly surprising that my friends abandoned me so easily when our lives grew to include components besides school and video games), but we'd sit shoulder-to-shoulder going head-to-head in Super Street Fighter II or TMNT Tournament Fighters or Mortal Kombat II or One Must Fall 2097 or Battle Arena Toshinden for hours on end. And it was good. Really good. Like, once you get into a groove with an opponent whose skill effectively mirrors your own -- and whom you've fought enough times to "read" in particular ways, and vice versa -- it's a kind of mutually gratifying contest where every feint and thrust and moan heightens the intensity and brings you closer and to win is to win and to lose is also to win. And while admittedly I haven't had tons of experience with sex -- and at that time I was hardly interested -- I don't think it's an inappropriate metaphor for a really great match between two players who've thoroughly experienced the ins and outs of each other's technique. (more...)

-posted by Wes | 6:46 pm | Comments (0)
June 9, 2019
You keep your cartoon Casey Jones :P
Category: Miscellany … Toys

Time for a random weird complaint post! No, I'm not going to gripe about people calling Raphael "Ralph." ;P

So I spend a lot of time on toy forums where people frequently voice their opinions about the characters they'd like to see made next in various action figure lines... and one of the things that bugs me is the amount of people who so desperately want Casey Jones in NECA's 1987 TMNT cartoon subline. Like, it'd make sense to me for the movie or comic lines -- Casey was hella important in those. It'd make sense to me if they wanted him in a line that took its cues from the vintage toys, since he was among the early releases. It'd make sense to me if they wanted him in a video game line, since he did feature prominently in 2/3 versions of TMNT Tournament Fighters (though he was reduced to a background sprite in the very best version). It'd even make sense if people wanted the 'toon Casey as a stand-in for one of his other incarnations... but that doesn't seem to be the case.

No, it really seems like these collectors legitimately want the cartoon Casey, who showed up in a handful of episodes and (IMHO, obviously) was kinda dumb. They want him more than April or Splinter or Baxter or the Rat King or the Neutrinos or Traag or the Punk Frogs or any of the other characters who featured in more episodes and who were arguably more integral to the TMNT universe (like Irma, Vernon, Burne... even Zach) than the nutjob outlaw hero. So I can't help but groan every time someone expresses a passionate desire for a Casey Jones figure in the Fred Wolf assortment. It's like ugh... did you even watch the cartoon???

Obviously this isn't remotely important, and obviously I'm not seriously angry about it -- it's just toys, and NECA's gonna do what NECA's gonna do (though admittedly I will be even more peeved if these misguided not-fanboys convince NECA to release Casey before April). But I wanted to gripe about it somewhere and I thought y'all might understand. Thanks for reading. XD

-posted by Wes | 4:38 pm | Comments (0)
May 13, 2019
Ask not for whom “The Bells” toll
Category: Linkage … Miscellany … TV, Film, & DVDs

For readers interested in discussion of last night's Game of Thrones episode (S08E05, "The Bells), I thought this IGN review was an interesting one -- not necessarily because of the fairly universal criticisms it advances, but because one gets to see the reviewer actively contend with the reviewer's mindset and the utility of reviewing media at all, which is kind of an odd thing (and admittedly a touch frustrating) to see from someone getting paid to do it. I definitely disagree with the conclusions at which the author apparently arrives -- if that's how you feel, why bother attempting to evaluate anything? More to the point, why review media for a larger audience (besides the coveted paycheck)? I do think it invokes a conversation all "critics" need to have with themselves, though, and if you have any interest at all in that -- or in criticisms of the particular episode -- I think it's worth a look.

(Standout cringeworthy sentences: "But I was apparently giving the show too much credit, and ultimately that's on me, not the writers" and "I'd rather just pull a random number out of a hat than try to come up with one that I'll still agree with in a week or a month.")

Also, for a laugh, dig this Vox piece about the 4 winners and 10 losers from the episode. And this Polygon article about how things work in GoT Season 8 isn't the most compellingly written, but the points it makes are solid.

-posted by Wes | 3:34 pm | Comments (0)
March 13, 2019
Shame, Aunt Becky. Shame.
Category: Linkage … Miscellany

The Onion is killing it this week! 😂 Have some highlights:

Man Playing ‘Battlefield V’ Has Now Spent More Of Life Fighting Nazis Than Grandfather Did

USC Insists Lori Loughlin’s Daughter Was Admitted Solely Based On Socioeconomic Background

Report: Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn’t Get Into Columbia

Also, that last one would be so much better than that other reason folks often cite for not getting into the colleges of their choice...

Case in point: this Media Research Center article, in which the author writes, "If CNN is so scandalized by Kushner getting into Harvard, it should tell us how CNN's own Chris Cuomo, son of former New York Governor Mario, got into Yale. Were his grades and SATs in the top 1-2%, like the vast majority of non-minority Yale applicants admitted on their own merits?" Because of course the majority of minority Yale applicants aren't admitted on their own merits. Sigh.

-posted by Wes | 4:47 pm | Comments (0)
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