In the meantime, for you:
http://podcasts.ox.ac.uk/

I am reactionary because I don't like surprises. I need to carefully consider every possible scenario and develop a plan should it occur. I don't want to be blindsided if Plan A doesn't work, and have no idea what Plan B should be. I need plans A through Z filed away in my mind, just in case. Of course, occasionally a scenario occurs that I hadn't considered, but I try to even have a contingency plan for such an occasion. I just feel more comfortable having considered the worst-case scenario in advance and knowing what I could/would do should it occur. Yeah, I undersand this sounds crazy, but it works for me. My husband is a "let's just wait and see what happens" kind of guy. That drives me nuts. In the case of the Stampman, doing the "wait and see" think could end tragically. The whole thing makes me nervous, and I am not even a part of it!!

Anyhow Stampman really REALLY REALLY needs some therapy or some help of some kind. I do believe in being reactionary about these things because trust me they can get worse.

Jersey Girl: Regarding your assertion that people shouldn't wait until they're alone to delight in their own company, I definitely agree -- but I do think that many people don't get the opportunity to think about it in such clear terms (if many do at all) until they find themselves alone and engage in a bit of introspective thought. Of course, one needn't be especially deep or insightful in order to delight in one's own company, but it probably helps... or maybe not, depending upon the nature of one's insights. Hmmm.

Regarding my mother, she is a gossip to the core. So I don't think it's that she means any overt harm when she mentions things about people I don't care about, but rather that she can't help but mention them -- she'd just as soon give me pointless updates regarding someone who had sexually abused me as a child (this never happened, but this is the kind of person I would definitely not want to hear about) as a co-worker's daughter some random lady from a pottery class she took six years ago. That said, I think she thinks that I think about this girl a lot more than I actually do, which is why she always makes sure to augment the gossip with insults and unkind remarks so as to make me feel better about being rejected and maligned by her. I honestly wouldn't care if she were more beautiful than ever.

And yes, that's probably me in Dr. Girlfriend's facebook (unless she has other Weses in there). Feel free to friend away!

Dave: Did I imply that the Stampman is "a normal but socially awkward guy who can't take a hint?" I definitely did not mean to do that! He's crazy off his ass, and leaving threatening messages does not fall within the bounds of acceptable persistence (though he obviously doesn't think his behavior is objectionable). That said, I do think that this and a whole lot of other instances of "stalking" could have been avoided if a) people were more upfront and honest with each other about their feelings and b) there weren't this prevailing fairy tale notion that the persistent guy gets the girl.

And yes, I definitely agree with you that "women like to feed their own egos by imagining that guys are hung up on them." Before Stampman showed his creepy crazy hand, my mother even used his affection to pad her self-esteem although she had no interest in him whatsoever. I mean, he's a 64-year-old white guy with HIV -- any one of those things would have doomed him to failure with Mom. I still remember how she was when he followed her across town in the car that day -- most women (hopefully) would have been entirely unnerved, but she talked about it like it was some exciting, thrilling experience. Imagine, a guy was so into her that he'd pursue her in an automobile chase! Ugh.

Anyway, I don't take that sort of thing personally, but it's happened to me enough that I have to expect and avoid that kind of scenario in order to preserve my safety, freedom, and what tattered shreds of my reputation remain.

Pablo: You're preaching to the choir! But I guess it's been a while since we really talked about that sort of thing.

"Instead of dealing with or worrying about these people, it's better to deal with people who do want to deal with you. And if no one does (and I have a ton of experience in that department as well), then you should delight in your own company."

Wes you should remember this when you think nobody likes you. Nobody likes me either, but who cares! I'm not gonna waste any more time worrying about them. Only focus on the people who do care, and yourself, cause those are the only people who matter.

As for your situation. Women (and probably men) often like to feed their own egos by imagining that guys are hung up on them. Some give clearly mixed signals so they can enjoy the delusion that some guys won't quit (see TAB's blog, old school, if you don't believe me). I've been through it before. They give vague statements that clearly imply interest that have kind of a plausable deniability mixed in with the mixed interest.

I remember a girl I used to work with inherited a client with a known history of hitting on the former account exec. He followed suit with the new one by including some sort of "So who makes you feel special" statement in a business e-mail - a clear flirt on his part. So, she flips out and shows everyone what a creep this guy is, and proceeds (while I'm looking over her shoulder) to answer with some kind of "Well that's an answer for another day" or something that such an aggressive guy is obviously going to find encouraging. I called her on her bullshit, and what do you know "What? What? No! I told him I wasn't interested!" wich she clearly didn't. [note to women - ignoring the statement and keeping it business is the way to successfully circumvent something like that] And again what do you know, when he continued, she rolled her eyes and complained about what a stalker he was.

I'm just saying a certian type of gal loves being 'stalked' so she can complain about it. Don't take it personally. It's not creepiness on your part that encourages it, but more likely an appearance of innocence.

I also don't understand why your mother would feel it necessary to bring up the girl over and over again. I'm glad that she's a non-entity in your daily life, however, she could just as easily have become a source of pain. Why would she risk causing you pain like that? I just don't get it. I apologize if I'm sounding too negative toward your mom. I don't know her and I realize it's not fair. I just...well.... I don't know. Nevermind.

Monkeysphere. Almost choked on my tea. Too funny.

I don't think we should wait until people don't want to be around us to "delight in our own company." I think we should be able to enjoy spending time with ourselves all along. If we can't stand being with us, why would anyone else? I think it's important, however, not to let our past experiences cloud our future ones. You've been through some crap that just seems like insanity to me, based on our former email conversations. I kept thinking "What the hell were they thinking?!?!" (the school, etc.) But the fact that you've had some pretty crazy stuff happen to you doesn't then indicate that all other people you encounter will react to you the same way. You kept saying that your speech pattern and mannerisms were awkward and creepy. I didn't find that to be the truth at all after your vlog. Of course, I've never met you in person, but still... I rather enjoyed the vlog.

(PS - are you the Wes on Dr. Girlfriend's facebook?)