Like I said in one of the recent posts, I was going through some of the old directories on my hard drive and came across copies of my first "blog" from 2001-2, and thought that some of the weirdness therein should be resurrected for the delight of current readers. So here you are -- a dream from (I think) the fall of my junior year. And if you haven't thrown me your two questions yet, feel free -- I'm still taking 'em. And if you have submitted your questions already, feel free to ask a third. Or something. Keep me occupied so I don't try to make my head explode with more heavy heavy topics. Please.

Anyway, here's the story of that 2001 night...

After closing my eyes and lying down on the bed -- but before actually falling asleep -- I started seeing these flashing images of old, wrinkled women with grey hair in buns, dusty brown skin, and demonic sneers on their faces. It was pretty fucked up, such that I actually opened my eyes and lay there for a minute blinking and wondering where the heck those thoughts were coming from. But then I kinda shook it off and tried to think happy thoughts, per Tink's advice. Eventually, I fell asleep.

Now, the dream. I was with Julie (an old co-worker of mine), and we were walking through my old high school en route to the cafeteria for lunch. I started feeling really sick and wanted to get to the bathroom to throw up -- or something -- but thought I'd get inside and put down my things at a table first. When we got inside Julie snagged this table for two (we were among the first people there), and as I was about to say something about going to the bathroom she asked me to stay at the table while she got her food. She then proceeded to run to the line before more people showed up. (Even in waking life, Julie was a greedy gal.) So anyway I was just sitting there holding my stomach and beginning to sweat. Julie came back with a hamburger, and when I stood she remarked that she should have gotten something for me too. I replied that I needed to get to the bathroom.

At this point, before I left, I noticed that our table had changed; it had become a typical hexagonal cafeteria style table, and these guys dressed like thugs were sitting at it with us. Now usually in dreams I don't notice crazy things like this until I wake up, but -- while I wasn't freaked out like I would have been in real life -- I did ask what had happened to the other table. Julie said that one of the administrators had told her they needed to accommodate more students and had switched the tables.

At this point Julie took on the look of one of those old demonic women, except her hair was a greyish black color, extra shiny, and wasn't in a bun -- instead, it hung down to about her waist. She was also suddenly bone thin. And again, I didn't freak out, but I did sort of notice. She told me to hurry back, and one of the thugs said, "Yeah, make sure you come back, playa," as if to warn me that they might move on her if I didn't. So as I walked past her on my way out I thought of kissing her -- or doing something to give them incentive to back off (just to keep her safe, of course) -- but then I saw that demonic appearance and instead decided to give her a friendly punch on the shoulder. Typical stuff I'd do with tough-as-nails Julie, except she was now the frail demon and nearly fell out of her chair when I touched her.

So I rushed out to find that bathroom. The closest bathroom to the cafeteria was out of order, so I had to go to another one down the hall. BUT just as I was exiting the hallway that leads to the cafeteria, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and then my bowels fucking exploded. Like an army backpack's worth of shit just blasted out of my ass. I was covered in shit; it was even in the sleeves of my trench coat. And then I saw an administrator and collapsed, and he rushed over to help. I started moaning, "Ohhhh, I feel sick..." when actually I felt great -- quite relieved -- except for being covered in shit. And then another admin rushes up, sees the shit leaking from my sleeves and on my fingertips, and treats me like I'm pulling a prank. He said to his partner, "Huh, he looked fine to me before that, didn't he?" and the partner just walked away. I stood up and a huge mound of shit fell to the floor, so now I only had shit in my pants and dripping from the back of my trench coat.

And like I said, I felt great now with all of that shit out, but I started to argue with the guy. "C'mon," I said, "why would I shit all over myself if I weren't sick?!" He didn't believe me, but he gave me this look that said, "Whatever, you're the one dripping with shit, so I'll humor you."

(These were, by the way, actual admins from my high school.)

So I walked to the office with the admin and he called an attendant down. This attendant, which I didn't notice in the dream but realized upon waking, was one of the students from my Japanese religion class the previous semester. Anyway he told me that he was taking me to see the District Attorney, which didn't strike me as weird in the dream. She'd get it filed and make a few calls, he said, and then the aides would get me cleaned up and give me some new clothes "and some embarrassing nicknames, but they'll be too weird to stick."

I asked if I could go to a bathroom first, to wash off, because there was still shit on my fingertips. He directed me to it, but told me to make sure I let the DA come back upstairs. So anyway I found it and it was like a fancy hotel bathroom, with three sinks in a rest area with a door leading to the toilets within. Then an old guy with grey hair and this silly grin on his face came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. "Uhm, hi," I said. He just responded, "Heh heh heh," and kept walking.

And then, just as I was headed into the bathroom, my alarm went off and woke me up. Thus ended the dream.