I don't watch basketball. In fact, I don't watch sports in general. Unless I'm betting on a game and/or the event is part of a known story -- for example, with professional wrestling, albeit that's pretty terrible these days too -- I find myself spectacularly unable to get excited about a bunch of overpaid assholes running around and doing various things with assorted balls. And then fucking hell someone always insists upon talking to one of the athletes, whereupon he/she almost always responds with the same (grammatically incorrect) crap about everyone "working hard" and "giving it 110 percent." I hate sports and I hate sports players and how they are idolized and I wish there were lethal traps on the playing fields in order to simultaneously make the games more interesting and raise the average IQ of society.

Still, last night I dreamed that I was watching a women's basketball game and was totally into it because this pretty girl on the court was fucking awesome. She was all that and a bag of chips! Literally, because she was actually playing while eating a bag of potato chips. When she didn't have the ball, she was holding the bag with one hand and popping chips with the other, but whenever someone passed to her she single-handedly (because the bag was still in the other hand) dribbled circles around the opposing team and totally dunked the ball IN THEIR FACES AWWW YEEEAAAH BOOMSHAKALAKA and then went right back to eating her potato chips as she jogged up and down the court. It was surreal.

I'd watch basketball if more players did impressive stuff like that.